The Journey

Moving on up

Merry New Year Everyone,

Hope everyone made it safely into 2018, and not with your head in the toilet the next day
i am 34, so I am getting way too old for that, so had a quiet one at home


2017 was a rough year and I spend moving around trying to find my feet (which didn’t go too well) but this morning is a new beginning and I am moving (for what I hope is for a while) with my lovely new family here in Queensland, Australia, and I am super exited all ready packed to go

Yesterday was my little sisters 21st Birthday, so a big milestone, and she’s grown into a beautiful woman, and she spend it in a hotel (hopefully not with her head in the toilet this morning) she may be 21 but I still think of her as that little girl following me around and thinking I was ‘the shit’


I remember watching Pitch Perfect two when it came out in the cinema’s and last night I went and watched Pitch Perfect three.  I have to say my favourite is still Pitch perfect one, two I thought was a bust and Pitch Perfect three I didn’t mind so much, but it was also a good distraction from being online on the ‘AfterPay’ app.


The AfetrPay app is like crack for shoppers, I can see myself blowing all my money away on designer shoes and phones and designer clothes and even…. a new bed and other furniture…. For you all that haven’t heard of it or haven’t been on it, you can shop till you drop online for pretty much anything and all you pay for that’s extra is the shipping and you pay it off over (i think) four fortnightly instalments (like i said crack for shoppers)


You can even buy airline tickets, and engagement rings, so I predict that soon instead of ‘gamblers anonymous’ they will have ‘AfterPay’ anonymous’ groups, where i’ll either be leading the group or an active member.


But check it out, you’ll see what I mean, and in no time you’ll be in the group with me!

Well, it’s time for me to start getting organised for the big move, so next time you’ll hear from me it will be from my new home, until then

Stay safe, and as always


Signing off,

With Love,

Joline Lootsma

My YouTube Channel:






Joline, The Journey

2018 – The year of no DickPicks

New Years resolution…(S)….. Do we ever stick to it??


11:21 pm, not long till new year strikes and we bring in 2018!

I don’t know about you, but I thought 2017 was going to be a good year, FAIL… so no expectations really…. best way

Joline youtube

New Years resolutions, and do we stick to them?

I have decided that my new year resolution is more of a demand, having being single for over a year now, one reason because last few have ruined it for the rest and secondly and as important is that social media has screwed any fun out of the dating scene, it’s made it a platform for instead of getting asked out for dinner to wake up on an empty stomach with a dick pick…. not even a “hello” or even an introduction (not that this would make any difference) it’s just there? it’s a step up on a whole new level of guys whistling at you as they drive by?  Like? You don’t even stop…. what am I meant to do with that?….

And I don’t know, I don’t know any one who enjoys getting them, from some you know may? most you don’t.

And have the nerve to start talking like I am going to make my way over to you to do something with it? NO, you lazy s.o.b’s, honestly, there’s not even an element of trying there, like I am lazy af….I can guarantee you I am not making an get….. use a hand,  try it on every other girl you know.. I don’t know… (probably already send the same pic to 50 other woman and see who takes the bait) honestly ladies, does anyone go for this?

This brings me to my resolution, yes I have had a bad judgement on men since 2010 ( all before that treated me right and was all respectful) Then its just been a domino affect of loserville and dickpick central… and I don’t send nudes.. no… and if I want to see it, I will in the flesh on my watch and trust me not with dick picks or just plain “find a quiet place” you don;t even know me most of you! so this has put me off the whole putting myself out there…. I am sure I am not alone on this….  call me a prude… or a slut…. either way they both don’t describe me…. everyone can have their fun…. I am sure we’ve all been there but if you think it’s been through pictures.. dude you’re so wrong

In 2018, there’s a lot of changes I want to make personally and need to be made, but in keeping up with this topic and spirit of dickpicks and guys just assuming by sending dirty text and that’s all I want…  No, I am putting it out there… POF scared the shit out of me, there are not that many single guys for starters over 100 a day and so many cant be that devious, you weren’t raised right….

My first resolution in public as a plea

  1. stop with the pictures…. It’s actually just made me think that much less of you and it’s never going to happen
  2. Heard of asking a girl out on a ‘date’ and actual date…… be a gentleman, if you can’t be, go try that lame shit on someone else
  3. That’s it, it would be nice to meet or already know someone who would ask and wasn’t some sleazy prick about it, it’s disrespectful and I don’t roll that way…
  4. And I appreciate when you say you’re not after anything serious, I may not be either but I would like the possibility(if I tell you) that something could come from it

And this isn’t to every male out there, no

There are gentleman out there, this is not for you, the 1% that exists, this is for the other 99%

11:50 pm

I am thinking I should of done a dickpick collage of 2017 but 1. I don’t keep them, and it would of taken too long and it would of taken up some pages plus publishing it…. and I couldn’t be bothered either (just being honest)

So, 2018…. If another resolution is to put myself out there again, I think I deserve more then the now out dated, so 2017 dickpick!

Thank you

11:54pm…. Happy New Years Everyone

Much Love,

Joline Lootsma

#itstartswithus, Anti Bullying Campaign, The Journey

Gold Coast University Hospital



This morning I had to call the ambulance as I wasn’t able to really walk, and also had a little incident, my right foot started drooping also and I remember the GP in Sydney telling if that was to happen to call   hospital asap

Day prior I had a fall, and on the day a little bit of a slip (admitting I did over emphasise it not by much)  just in shock and unusual amount of pain, shooting down my right leg with tingles.. Unable to stand on my toes…. This is all very much out of the ordinary especially with losing bladder control

The ambulance didn’t take too long to come and didn’t ask for my details (which turns out in my case was a blessing) as they gave me the green whistle which seem to help the nerve pain go from an 8 to a 6



At (yes still here gone to short stay) 3:25pm  wet the bed advised i was in too much pain to walk (which the Ambulance knew yet wrote on the chart walked to the stretcher)???? I have a witness that can confirm that this is not the case

I was then advised by nurse too bad basically and walked off……

I buzzed again, again i had an accident and moving the sheets around due to discomfort i dropped my phone and I now cannot even turn it on, it is absolutely useless, Iphone 6s Plus!

I then buzzed again, 3:55 he ((Paul) returns with a purple gown and a nappy tells me to change into that and walked off worth the curtains open

He has been friendly to all other patience except for myself and its like I am an inconvenience to the staff   who get paid to do this and have no empathy


4:00pm now, i have just buzzed my buzzer, this nurse hasn’t even asked if I required assistance wit the gown or putting a nappy on (Christina is this nurses name)


All of this has been based 100% on the judgement that I have had prior history of being in hospital (and the first DR who I saw in short stay advised me so in front of a whole bunch of other nurses but in the last 4 months I have attended this hospital (which I forgot as my car accident has affected my short tem memory) because I had been date raped and when i came to in the morning on the street I walked to the nearest house and asked them if they could call an ambulance… 8 hours later I woke up in this hospital with tubes down my throat and the ambulance report said i was found on the street with  heap of drug paraphernalia around me (which is 100% false) as records will show I walked with nothing on me to a house and waited at the house for the ambulance to come

My prior medical history that labels this hospital me a junkie is because few years back I had valid reasons for going to hospitals, ) had  lost a baby (and worst hospital besides this one and QUEII) had to remove it after 10 weeks, I kept calling saying to the triage I think something is wrong, they told me spotting and the amount was normal… Next day I had lost my baby

I have had endometriosis I was in hospital for that and then when i still had pain and had a pain specialist and had all these procedures done I was just given pain medication back in 2009 and I’d build a tolerance so they’d give me more and higher dosages, and the worst thing is…hospitals treat it like I am the pill popping junkie (they don’t look at why and what I had done for the pain and the specialists who keep shoving pills and higher dosages down your throat)… And i was put on high doses of pain meds in 2010 by my DR and that led to an issue… I have had a legitimate reason to come here today and i am being treated by the DR on call and now this male nurse like a junkie…. I am in copious amount of pain…. And no one wants to help…. I cant walk I couldn’t when the ambulance came… The DR had things prescribed for my pain, the minute my history pops up I have been treated in the most un professional and disgusting manner

‘I was in a private hospital in 2010 due to a liver issue and they removed half and my gallbladder also (another time in hospital)

I was raped w few years back and was in hospital for that ….. I want to write this even though it;s very embarrassing for me but to show that the system doesn’t give two shits, they see a red flag and they give you panadol for NOT BEING ABLE TO WALK AND WETTING THE BED, now as I have had a massive car accident and i think its made it worse and this id part of it, you can shove your panadol up your ass, lady had a sore leg and got a shot of morphine!…. I am getting a fake ID, so I get treated like a person


I am still waiting for my male nurse Paul and I can hear him laughing about it in the next room and I pressed the buzzer a while ago so i am laying in my own urine which staff here seem to find funny…. And  not enough to bother to do their job!

I am ashamed laying here.. I cant make any calls because of my phone which I hold the hospital 100% responsible for

The lady few beds up just pressed her buzzer,  he came straight away… And just walked past mine… This is absolutely disgusting behaviour…. And I really do have to go to the bathroom now and its to the point where I feel like just wetting the bed,…..

I can hear this nurse gasbagging to the other nurse about his girlfriend and having a good old laugh while i am laying here not only in pain, pissed off  that my phone broke… But that he keeps walking past helping everyone but myself….


4:20pm – my female DR came to see me, whilst the male nurse told me I was fine and going home just waiting on physio i then get told by my female DR that i am awaiting CT scan


4:35 A nurse by the name of Christina opened the curtain as I was laying still in my urine and trying to figure out how to put on this nappy as ( i later found out i was having issues as it was an XXL one i was having problems) I told her I’ve been laying in my own urine for a long time now and having issues as I didnt know how to put the nappy on she stood beside my bed and instructed me, she saw how much troubles i was having but refused to help…. I advised her about my phone incident and she then responded with: it was broken  when you came in

Now Christina wasn’t present at all, that was the first time I had seen her, I told her it had a scratch on it, now its completely broken  to the point where I can’t turn it on, and smashed and the middle button i cant press or numbers i cant press, I received a lot of attitude, she also said.. You can get up and walk to the toilet…. So  i had a fall….Christina, you should be fired… Or be trained and go through what people like myself go through and also get the attitude, what a sour piece of work!


The time is now 7:48pm… I have been here since the morning and have been given: Nurofen and panadol (one time of each)…  This is all due to pre-judgement and it is absolutely the moat disrespectful and judgemental hospital…. I didn’t come here asking for pain medication, I came in, in panic mode because: I’VE LOST FEELING IN MY LEGS AND BECOME A BED WETTER!!!.


I have seen four separate DR’s who have told me three separate things

7:58pm, I have been given 5mg of Endone and 1x Ibrufen when I have 20mg of Oxynorm for breakthrough pain on top of Targin 3x daily and muscle relaxants for the nerve damage in my face and spine


8:33, still nothing…… Four Doctors, 2x brufen, 1 Endone in total and i am at a 8 in pain


I can’t contact anybody, because of the phone being smashed (yes Christine I blame the hospital)

I am wearing a fucking nappy when you could of done a bed pan or since you made go in those wheel chairs how about putting a pan under it!!!


I am over buzzing the buzzer as its the same answer every time, oh still looking into it!!!!

How about we change positions, and ill leave you hear from 11am till 8:37 and tell you ill look into it?

I have repeated my story over four times, and yes the car accident left me with L3L4L5 facial and spinal nerve damage so can you imagine how much pain I am in now??


Have some empathy, if you don’t go work at Maccas or be a cleaner (jobs where you don’t need customer service)….


8:40 pm, so I buzzed the buzzer…. Paul previously suggested he’d get the DR as he was still on….. Hour goes by so I buzz again and it’s like he totally forgot and said ‘I shall grab him now’

I advised him I want not to be here anymore, this I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, his response.” I think it was all lost in translation”….. Well LUCKY ME!!, and I am sure I am not the only one that goes through this

When I told him how i had a fall, how I was treated and no one has compassion, his response was: yes some staff just don’t get it….and have no empathy…..

There it is folks, from a staff member himself, and I told him what I am telling you, THEN THEY NEED TO FIND A JOB WITH NO CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


9:01pm, Paul advised me that the DR’s wont see me and the medication I was promised by 4 diff dr’s, well basically they lied…. Apparently the CT scan came back with NOTHING WRONG!!!!, I had a CT scan done 2 months ago and then 5 months prior, it’s never come back with “NOTHING WRONG”!

And I was advised due to my previous attendance here and the report is why they wont do anything else, except for physio in the morning…. But no pain relief…… Even after I have had a fall

That statement was completely fabricated and if that’s looked into properly so help me god that is 100% falsified statement!


I advised I wanted to go home as they’re doing F all

And this case shouldn’t been based on a previous attendance, that is so not fair whatsoever…. Especially when I cannot feel my legs and wetting the bed ever now and then…. But the test come back fine!!!!!


I have had medication in my bag this whole time and not touched, I have had the worst run this year and this is just a top up of ‘I am done”


So, if I don’t wake up in the morning……  Peace

Joline Marcy Lootsma


P.s, I blame QPS….. I chose to associate with whoever I want, and I know you f*ckers are behind some shit…….  Apparently it was them who did the report for this hospital the first time, lying f*ckers


Its them who put me at fault with my accident when anyone who saw the pic knew it wan’y my fault, yes I had to give way but I couldn’t see the idiot as he was flying at 80km around the bend, and this is how I have to suffer…. Please don’t protect and serve me or my family!!

I have many more eg  but why bother

GCUH, you’re a bunch of judgemental incompetent soulless robots……  Imagine this happening to your daughter!!!!!!  Different story then!!!!!!




Gold Coast University Hospital

3.8  (161) · General Hospital

Southport QLD · 1300 744 284


From <>



9:15 pm, signing off


Joline Lootsma




Joline's Journey PT 1

Dear diary moments gone wrong 

Oh wow, biggest food baby to date, OK so to tell you about day, there might be some judgement but I’ll take it…
Dear Diary,

Woke up… additude all Kanye, trying too get my shit together her getting ready forchurch, which OK I just nodded off a little…it wasn’t boring, just so tired… feeling a little guilty


I ate so much cake and food and ice cream and after a sesh I wan food!!so it wore off super quick but i would love to be able to have another piece of cake but the pain; I swear to you I have arguments with myself in my head, one joline needs more, wondering why 4 sesh out of it not happy and want to eat more but eating food when it’s wearing off doesn’t feel the same the pain cramp right now, at a high
Still… cake … hmmm

I don’t know how you guys are my friends, I drive me crazy… pat on the back and self give to yourself… if I knew me I’d run the other way throwing up gang signs…

Then there’s the ‘she smokes’ WOW Factor’ How does it affect you?? It doesn’t if it bothers you, font read my blogs..
I tried on glasses… $560 for the frames 😱

So I got my church on today… I only just started….hey I met a pastor on ‘what’s hapn’ ok so nothing for me was happening

Then got onto pof… omg wtf?? 300 hits a day, is this a scam thing…. not that many guys in the Street or asking me on dates so that can’t be true…. think I have to unplug myself out of that on pof thing

Who’d have me, fuck I wouldn’t ha ha poor soul

I am going to love you and leave you

I took something (yes medication ) makes you sleep plus feel like your on a cloud

So going to ride that wave hope too anyways, hmmm cake tea and bed.. floating
Oh I am mashing an iron rep Tefal wanna know why… I’ll post a link

Ps, I am starting up a page on fb, I’ll provide the link below, for little hampers or gift boxes for special  occasion and price range.. I talk about it on YouTube so I’ll edit the link it

Till then

With Love

Signing off

Joline Lootsma

Joline's Journey PT 1, Social Media Stories

Glass half full

Monday 2nd of October 2017

Yet another dear diary moment….

I am just sitting here recapping what’s happened the last two and a bit weeks… oh yeh that’s right.. someone called himself my brother and I’ve helped get out of shit did the biggest dog act and threw me out so he could have dealers living there, free drugs for this person… great life goal mate

Not even all my makeup and my bomb ass hairstraightner iPhone back up charger cord lamps…


Honestly POF has scared me out of dating, seriously… the pickup lines are so 1970….

So yeh I joined, I didnt know that there were sooooo many single men on the coast??? WOW, some cuties…

I Honestly just got some disturbing messages

Check me out:

Oh I totally forgot

Oh and a Brent Tze and his date rape drug, waking up in hospital with tubes down my throats and after someone who you’ve known for so long  and once called sister  who all himself my brother tried to ruin my life and told me he was going to stab me. He can deny it all he wants I have it on messenger…  god some people need to lay of the ice a bit!!
All my makeup and clothes are boxed up, violated much?

Someone else other then myself cleaning , going through my thing and I dot think it’s all there…..  ‘

if i find stuff missing…. well

karma lives around the corner, all fury that bitch….. and I LOOOOOOOVE her!



Sunday 8/10/17  4:59 am

Dear dairy moments above…… uhm blame it on being stoned….and the temaze …

Ok gotto be honest….. I need too stop, too  stoned.  wish  i did this this blog prior… not as fun

Mad man twitching in the house  ha ha ha……… you know never believe what people tell you about other people, form your own opinion, I made that mistake even though it was a crazy situation but I also had a crazy person put it all on me and ran when something came swinging 

Turns out its an an act of love… ha ha ha …. swinging axes

So just quickly…. Please, anyone whose hooked on this game grand theft auto – the biker version? tell me what you think its about in your own words in real life but the every day 2017

I just really want to thank a family who took me in with open arms, and the support and offers places… really humbling to know!! I so so appreciate it… And Sam, guuuurl we gotto catch up!

Bless, to the guys looking out



PPS, anyone played it yet…ha ha


As always,

Signing off with love

Joline Lootsma

















Joline's Journey PT 1

The world is filled with two faced people

Dear diary, holy crap it is Friday…. Ahhhhh the time is flying and not because I am having fun

semi- hung over…. but okay I think…

I need to get something of my chest ya’ll…. What is wrong with some people?

I abused some lady yesterday she came out of her house and told me that I couldn’t psrk on the street “PUBLIC PEOPLE” you don’t own in, damn renters with nothing to do!

And then the person I called bro just keeps going with the nasty messages, I am starting to go into a depression spiral…. all these nasty texts from someone who for 4 yrs you talk to like family….

Got a few drinks last night….

Saturday 30/9/2017 12:38

Just woke up, worst day yesterday, I come to what I thought was my room as I paid my rent, no no Mark Paterson the guy who for years was like a brother ( while I never met him) had some chick whose now living their with her boyfriend clean my room, they lend $20 of me few days before, think I got that back…. NOPE, and half the rent I paid… NOPE

This person is mentally disturbed.. he speaks badly of everyone behind their backs… oh he stole of a dealer…. desperate little junkie, glad to be out but he did it like a coward and in the worst way…..

I’ve been offered a place… which is so sweet, I really didn’t expect it at all… so something positive from the negative… don’t let one person cloud your judgement of good people out there…

OMG I have so much stuff, cant get my head around it

I was so angry yesterday I was admittedly in tears over the disappointment and calling peoples house where I am staying to cocktail up some lies, what so I’d be homeless…. so I may of contacted a few male on male sites on his behalf…… I couldn’t help myself


As always,


Signing off

With Love

Joline Lootsma



Beauty Products, Joline's Journey PT 1

Breaking Bad

5:58, on a Monday…

Another “Dear Diary” moment, in the life of Joline Lootsma

Officially dying of boredom…. I nearly cleaned my room I am that bored, but instead a ciggy and a coffee (crap I forgot to make that one)…

So, interesting weekend, me and another girl got swung at WITH AN AXE??by the guy over in the first unit.. Brad with the body of a 12 year old.. yeh guess yelling out that his meth lab in a unit wasn’t the smartest thing… but he’s the biggest douche…. and of course we had to see him at the bus stop today… I actually have a pic with him, I might post it on my next blog…. some people deserve it!

Guess his little meth fumes got to his head

So lucky me my phone screen smashed $150 to repair now it’s not recognising me sim card… so note to self…. never go to these little shops in the mall


Had a few people come round few days back, talked me into joining plenty of fish didnt they…. what in the world?  my phone’s going red hot…. I don”t think I am ready to date someone I don’t really know….. and the ones i know are taken FML!

The reason for my title: breaking bad…

It’s because my life hasn’t always been roses and sunshine… sometimes I feel like I am living it, then again sometimes I swear I am living sons of anarchy.. bit of an in betweener… life gets way too boring otherwise

breaking bad

So I set up this site (which I have been slack with and will continue with)

So I will also be adding a lot of woman clothing, and yes if you would like to see what it looks like on…. that can happen… it will be at a small fee

And men….. bikini’s and lingerie may be included ha ha ha

It will be advertised a lot more, also if you have anthing you would like to put on there… please contact me, I will make sure it gets out on bay and all sites and mine.. all I ask is a 10% of the sale.. but I will do all the work to get it sold.

I’ll start working on my youtube channel again, I have just been having a hard time

That is the link to the channel 🙂

So I ended going out with this dude Brent Temaze, he bought me this milkshake from maccas… and I woke up in hosptital with tubes down my throat…. go the date rape drugs am I right??

Honestly did I kill a chinamen in my other life?

6:25 pm, waiting for a mate to rock up to take me out of my bored state…. ah life…..

F it, lets send a text

Any of you guys used the app “WICKR ME?  try it

Oh phone went off…. nope plenty of fish again… I should really start looking at the messages, god I am slack..


Ok let me check these ‘plenty of fish messages’ maybe ill wake up in hospital again!!

As always

Signing off

With Love

Joline Lootsma


Joline's Journey PT 1

I watch ER, I should be a DR

Good afternoon everyone,

As I sit here on my balcony shivering away wondering to myself if I should use my new writing powers  for good or evil I haven’t decided as I am desperately puffing away on my again found friend: The cigarette

Some of you may know I stopped smoking months ago, but have decided to again light my dear friend Mr Cigarette


I watch ER, so I think that should qualify me to be a regular general practitioner here in NSW Australia!  I went to the GP today and this has reassured me that watching ER makes me as much of a specialist as them, in other words a joke, either that or my GP wants me to die.

That spider I mentioned in my earlier blog I think was the cause of my massive bite mark


Now, what I failed to take a photo of was the size it was two days before that

My qualifications to become a GP are none, but then again I wouldn’t give someone antibiotics either (yes that’s what I got given)  a good friend of mine however came to the rescue and told me: Lucas’s pawpaw ointment (I know how many of us love the word ointment)as he explained Lucas’s papaw ointment drains the fluid out


That bought another idea to mind, have you ever noticed how every woman and her dog has Lucas’s papaw ointment in her handbag or makeup purse?

And now men know the secret also, which brings me to my next point….

lucasHas anyone ever seen a Lucas papaw ointment commercial? I went on a hunt…. there isn’t one legit Lucas’s papaw ointment commercial or add at all, they rely on word of mouth and yet like I mentioned earlier every woman and her dog (and now it seems husband) all know about the great secret!

Needless to say it came to my rescue

But like an idiot I also filled the script, and took them too!

As I am sure I am not the only one feeling like their GP is either ripping them off or in my case trying to kill them

My suggestion is to definitely watch ER and please everyone carry a tub of Lucas’s papaw ointment (there is that word again) on hand or for those times you get bitten and your GP gives you antibiotics, I thought antihistamine would of done the job just fine in my defence… but what would I know I got my certificate from watching midday TV

As always

With Love

Signing off,

Joline Lootsma



Joline's Journey PT 1

Princess and the pea

No rest for the wicked

I have officially been up for 46 hours anxiously glancing at my clock and wondering why the hell I am not sleeping?

Fair enough that i feel like the title – Princess and the pea

The car accident that happened last year is really starting to take a hit on this 34 year old body, having said that I live in Pennant hills, NSW  so if you know of a good doctor, please drop me a line as faith needs to be restored when it comes to your local GP

‘Sorry, back pain?… Can’t help (what you meant to say was that you WON’T) that in itself is enough to keep me up

Clock reads 1:07 am and I know I kind of quit smoking (always have a pack on hand) but that lighter is burning a hole in my pocket and as much as I am telling myself to stay away the thought of that first drag is really playing mind tricks on me

Oh what the heck, I just totally talked myself into it… Let’s take this computer outside (in the dark on the balcony) gosh I am a closet smoker ha ha (you can only laugh at yourself)

I decided tonight that it is a good time to download a game app, remember when CandyCrush Saga and Pet Rescue Saga first came out and you send people lives and AngryBirds was a massive hit?

‘Words with friends’ was one of my favourite, I actually think I will download it again and see if anyone is up for a little midnight 101 word sesh (doesn’t that sound romantic?)

Which brings me to the subject everyone seems to fear….. SINGLE!

Yes I am still rocking the ‘single lifestyle’ and loving it!

Having said that…. I miss having  someone there to kill the spiders for me, vacuuming them up doesn’t actually kill them (I came to this conclusion last nigh)

1:20 am and wide awake, still!

This is the most dangerous time for those shopping apps, where everything is super cheap and when it arrives you wonder what the hell do you need a sushi maker for? (I am not confirming if this happened to me ha ha)

1:22 am,  I need to looksleep into a good meditation app (the tone of voices bother me)

A friend of mine suggested an app called: Calm

This is the app below which lets you download it for free

I usually fall asleep to the noise of old comedies that I have watched before, something feels settling about the familiar laughter

I am in desperate need of some well needed beauty sleep, I am starting to look old

Camille tea, that would of been good, if I actually thought of it while being at the shops today

Desperately searching under the mattress for what I was hoping to be a pea that’s causing discomfort, but no

2:01 am, let’s call it a night,


As always

Keep Safe

Signing Off,

With Love

Joline Lootsma


From Model to MC – 1200 Techniques N’fa

‘Let’s talk’ with N’fa Forest Jones, from model to MC

Good Morning, Noon or Night (where ever in the world you may be)‘Let’s talk’ with N’fa Forest Jones,who some of you may remember him as the Tim Tam Genie-GOD (he’s totally going to kill me for mentioning that ha ha) and some may remember him from 1200 Technique’s  .. I can go on babbling on about this wonderful human being but Ill let you check out his web site or I will be here for days typing:


I have been lucky enough to have been rescued by N’fa at age 14  at my first ever Melbourne FashionWeek

I asked N’fa if he remembered his rescue and his words were: I am glad I stood up for you that guy was being a bit of a BLEEP….  And so a friendship blossomed

N’fa stood up for me for my first ever Melbourne Fashion Week, I was being yelled at by the choreographer and at age 14 must of  looked like a deer in headlights, N’fa and friend Oliver walked passed and he put his arm around and gave a the choreographer a little talk  too and has looked out for me ever since

I found a photo I took back in the day when film needed to be developed so many many moons ago, this was taken in NSW when the boys came and picked me up to go clubbing (yes fifteen years young) sorry mum

N'fa and Olly

I look back being so young and I knew age twelve that I wanted to do modelling and walk the white mile (catwalk)

Great friendships that go on forever

I can still smell the hairspray that was sprayed around back-stage and the last minute touch up’s by frantic makeup artists who probably were as nervous as me as I stood behind Claudia Schiffer to open my first ever catwalk!

The crowd goes silent; and ‘cheque music” … Big Breath…..  Go!

Great memories to have

N’fa has actually been at the peak of some of my embarrassing moments to look out for me, and which some I wont share ha ha –  but when I told my mum I was doing a blog that featured him she laughed and said: I remember when I first met him at the bus stop and i was going to take you somewhere and he was there and put his arm around you and said “I’ll look out for her” and to this day she is his biggest fan ha ha

When I approached N’fa about what his thoughts were on pressure in the industry and being bullied, he was more then happy to help

I asked N’fa if he has been bullied himself and what his thoughts were, this is what he had to say:

Everybody i know in the entire world has been bullied at some point.. some worse that others.. shit, I’ve probably bullied, just being a idiot kid… but nothing too terrible.. I have definitely been bullied, but at an early age around 5 or 6, I decided that what others thought of me meant very little.. the only way I wanted people see me was as a good person, a kind person.  People were rude, racist, selfish, bitchy and I just figured there was something wrong with them, and I moved on.

I would feel disappointed when I came across it all, but I never took it on board.. I don’t personally understand why you would.. but I really feel for them

True friends would slowly emerge out of it, and I was happy alone, happy writing, happy training and running (for the readers out there playing at home this is just a little trivia) N’fa ran 4th in the trials for  National championships

 I got injured a couple seasons later, and that’s when ‘1200  Technique’s blew up..  And didn’t they ever?

I will teach my kids the same.. there are people with all their inner doubts and fears that they’ll push on you because they feel intimidated, and themselves are self conscious and therefor will assume, you are as powerful as you look to them without them even trying to know you(they’re idiots), and then there’s good balanced people who will treat you well.. they may not wanna hang with you, may not find you funny – and that’s okay  at least they won’t be idiots about it.  Same goes for people who wanna hang with you because they think you’re cool, and that is a representation of themselves via association.. I teach my kids to be still, be with self, breathe, worry not of others slanders, but consider any constructive criticism even if it hurts your ego, and don’t be an idiot yourself.. That’s how I do it..

What about when being picked on becomes violent? 

The only time I’ll teach them to react directly to bullying, is when they see someone who can’t handle some other pricks abusive words, and need someone to step in for them, or when bullying is physical.  I’ll teach them to strike in defence with all they have.  Words mean nothing unless you take them on board, but physical, is physical contact.

No matter how one feels, should they be fearful , unsure, sensitive, one must look confident within

I personally would  look confident within, calm, pleasant, and not give a damn about what anyone says (but without being obnoxious about it) that’s my “look”  maintaining that face You learn a lot about oneself and others

I’d like to thank N’fa for the chat

You can follow N’fa on twitter:

As always,


Keep safe

Signing off,

With Love,

Joline Lootsma

Beauty Products

MAC’s Limited Edition Aaliyah Collection

Rumour has it that MAC Makeup is bringing out a Limited edition line

Aaliyah Haughton’s legacy lives on as MAC Makeup collaborates in memory of Aaliyah.

On August 25th, 2001 Aaliyah Haughton tragically passed away in a tragic accident after just finished shooting for her ‘then’ up and coming debut “Rock the Boat”

This new MAC Makeup Collection is rumoured to be coming out in Summer 2018, to find out more:

Really can’t wait to see what the MAC Aaliyah collaboration has in store, as I am sure MAC won’t disappoint!

Some of us were blessed to have met Aaliyah here in Melbourne, Victoria-Australia while she filmed “Queen of the damned
Rashad Haughton (Aaliyah’s older brother) was said to have dubbed the movie’s finale

We look forward to MAC’s up and comming line of the Aaliyah collaboration as per her fan’s request

You can follow the line on twitter or on her web page: or follow the MAC Collection on Twitter ;

Aaliyah will always hold a special place in a lot of heart’s, and I am very exited to see the Limited Edition line

All love and support go out to her family and brother Rashad Haughton


I will update on the “MAC and Aaliyah” in store dates

Donate with PayPal
As always,

Keep safe,

Signing off,

With Love
Joline Lootsma

#itstartswithus, Joline's Journey PT 1

Beautiful Jill Lebens


I have been talking with the one and only Beautiful Jill Lebens (Lifestyle Blogger)

I have known Jill from back in our earlier years, she was beautiful then and is even more beautiful now in and out

Please go and check out her page:

She writes all things from Fashion to Fitness and Social events.. Class and Sass this chick and am so lucky to have such kindhearted friends

#itstartswithus started because a close friend of mine one of his kids was getting bullied and that was my personal drive to get this out to people and along the way I have learned a thing or two about how to deal with similar issues that I still face being 34

You know it’s kind of funny as I read my questions back and see similar struggles we both faced, and I wish I reached out myself to people a little more and give them the advice that we are all trying to convey here with #itstartswithus as it isn’t mine, it is something that lovely people have been part of, so let’s get to Jill and see what she has to say on the subject


Some of you may know Jill as a lifestyle blogger and some as a photographer also, and some are new to Jill (so now you know) ha ha

When I asked her about the types of bullying there is, here is what she had to say:

I feel like there are so many different types of bullying these days and the forms are expanding.  Obviously technology has created a platform that is easier and more accessible for many but there is constantly something new that people want to ‘pick on’ or criticise or use as an excuse to exclude and ostracise others.
I had to ask Jill if she had ever been bullied, as some of you don’t know, Jill was and always will be a gorgeous tall model
Here is what she had to say:
I was lucky enough that when I was at school, I wasn’t bullied.  In saying that, I was very tall, skinny and awkward so I didn’t really ‘fit in’ as well as I would have liked.  & maybe there was a level of bullying but I was so oblivious at that age, or maybe I just didn’t care what other people thought of me.  It’s only now that I’m older that I am more conscious of it and aware of what it is.
And what about while modelling, did you find it rough in that industry?
Only the pressure and expectations I put on myself.  I think that physically comparing yourself to someone else at such a young age isn’t really healthy.
I wanted to know if being a model played a factor in bullying?
To be honest, I didn’t notice.  Nothing really changed for me except that I got a little extra exposure.  Of course there were the people who would pass judgement on my looks but when you are in an industry based on physical attributes, you can’t really avoid that.
So, when I asked her about the “NOW” factor.. I had to laugh, because what she said… now it is exactly what my friends have said about me so I love this answer
What about the “NOW” do you get it now?
No.  I am 6′ tall though and have been told I have ‘resting bitch face‘ so maybe I look a little scary.  Ha, ha.
Just really quickly….I have a theory on the ‘resting bitch face‘ It’s not that we are bitches, I have to say when it comes to Jill it’s very much the opposite, it’s just the we’ve seen it all been there all before look.. and in my case (I cannot speak for Jill) I am the most approachable person, we just get fed up with the logistics of “beating around the bush” Keep it real folks….

When I asked Jill about the difference between the “then” and the now” here is what she had to say

The reason bullying was highlighted for me during High School was only because I saw it happen to my brother.  He struggled at school academically and wasn’t really athletic or part of any of the school based groups.  I saw him get picked on relentlessly and then one day it started to become physical.  This was one of the worst things I had seen and felt really useless.  Being 2years younger and female, there wasn’t much I could do.  It didn’t stop me trying though.
How did you handle the situations and how did you handle or deal with it now?  When I saw how it affected my brother, physically and mentally – I told as many teachers as I could at school.  If I see it happening to anyone now, I am the first to jump in and say something.
Back in school days for both you and your brother, was there a zero tolerance policy that you were aware of?  No.  Unfortunately they turned a blind eye to this issue.
Did families get involved in school?  Yes – my mother went to see the school many times.  They principals did nothing to help.  Eventually one day my brother fought back in a physical altercation and hurt one of the bullies…  My brother was the one to get expelled.  Appallingly handled by the school.
I have to agree with Jill, unfortunately even today some schools tend to do this.. still
What sport are you currently into?  I had lots of knee surgery during high school so my sporting activities have been tailored around my injuries.  I love yoga & cycling and try to fit a few weight sessions in a week as well.
If faced with a bully today would that help?  We all know that physical activity elevates your mood and give you a level of body confidence, I feel this would emotionally assist to deal with bullying.
So many forms of bullying and cyber bullying etc, is this still a problem today for you or anyone close to you or your readers?  Being so heavily involved in social media platforms, I see bullying quite regularly.  I feel like the mentality has become that if someone puts a photo on social media, it’s up for discussion or criticism.  I see it quite a lot:  weigh shaming, sexuality objectification any basically any physical attribute you wish to name.   I think it’s about differentiating between reality and cyber – in my opinion, keyboard warriors lack real life social skills.
Men attacking woman on social media, what are your thoughts? Kids being targeted by other kids in social media, what are your thoughts?   Whether it’s women, children or other men, it’s unacceptable.
Have you ever bullied any body, if so how?.. and has it been resolved?  Not to my knowledge.  I was very aware of my physical appearance growing and with that too, my insecurities with how I looked.  I would have never wanted to make someone feel bad about how they looked, spoke, walked, etc.  Even though I was a model at a young age, I had some of the biggest insecurities you could imagine – some of which are still with me today.
What tools do you use now in day to day life to prevent people from internet trolling and cyber bullying?  For me, I just don’t care.  If someone really wanted me to listen to their negative opinions, they would have to come up to me in person, and lets face it, the people who cyber bully would never do this.  Yes, I receive negative commentary all the time but really, I am living my life how I want to.  I’m not about to feel bad about myself or my life choices because someone I have never met or spoken to has a negative opinion.  Life is too short for the shit.
Are there any tools you can suggest for our readers?  It’s difficult to give advice as everyone is different.  We all think, act, behave and react differently and I think it’s how we learn to mentally process situations.  For me, if someone has taken the time to be negative towards me and has spent time thinking about me in an angry way, it’s really them with the problem.  That would suck!
Suicide, self harm and depression due to bullying is on the rise what words of wisdom can you give our readers?  I think that suicide & self harm stemming from depression can often be a bigger issue.  Mental health is very serious and we need to address the core issues of those problems.  Often, because we can’t see physical disease or disabilities, we don’t believe they are real or as serious as other health issues.  Bullying can definitely make this worse and contribute to feelings of worthlessness and sadness.  Seek help from family, friends and ideally professionals.
And finally, I come to the question I dread asking as I already know the answer
Do you know at what age bullying stops?
Sadly, I don’t think it ever stops. 
Jill Lebens, The Interview
And you know what, it really does start with us…
Set a good example to those little ones we are teaching
I want to thank Jill for sharing her story and also a little of her brothers
As aslways
With Love
Signing Off,
Joline Lootsma




Joline's Journey PT 1

How to be single, am I good at it?? NO!

Happy Hump day yet again (and no not doing that literally right now, hence the title)

Happy (I actually checked my calendar to see what day it is) Wednesday people….

How to be single, and good at it?  That was meant to be the title, but i well and truly need a handbook.  It’s been over a year now (Self Five)

I went to the gym today, did a thigh, butt, abs class (I think) and halfway through I wondered “why am I trying to kill myself?”  Oh that’s right…. single and your back injury and did I forget to mention SINGLE?

How daunting to so many people that word “SINGLE”  is? WHY?


I think I am better being single then in a relationship… the app “happn” agrees.. no clicks or winks or whatever it is called, ok to be fair I have only been to the gym and home and gym and home… that is so sad… no wonder “happn” isn’t happening, hey I actually don’t know how to use it…. that’s my excuse!!

I saw some good  looking guys though, I am way too shy……

I need a handbook for that also (if anyone can help?, thank you) my contact details are provided!!…

Ok, so just quickly #itstartswithus is going great, this is not a charity (yet)… #itstartswithus is a name I came up with during a YouTube cast and it stuck (and boy did it ever)…. watch this space….

I am the slack one that needs to interview more and format it all, but again I am trying to do many things at once and none turn out they way I would like… kind of like ‘organised chaos’ (that is pretty much me on point)

“Joline it’s called focus”?…. (just a quick – note to self momentum)

If anyone is interested in #itstartswithus please let me know….. I am happy to have you tell your story  My email

Ok people,  don’t sweat the small stuff, Love you and have to leave you

Signing off

With Love, 





#itstartswithus, Anti Bullying Campaign

Let’s talk Bullies #itstartswithus Cody Bennier


Hope you’re all having a wonderful Tuesday, here I was thinking it was Monday??

Tonight we get to hear what Cody Bennier has to say about Bullies, so let’s get to know Cody Bennier (and you will see Teddy one of the cutest 10 week young puppy on planet earth)

Here goes….Getting to know a little about Cody

Full name is: Cody James Bennier and 20, yes girls and very single.

Cody has a seventeen year old sister ( who coincidentally named the cute puppy Teddy)

Teddy & Cody One for the Cam

Now while I know his hobbies include music and bikes, one thing he hates are bullies

I asked Cody if he would share with everyone about being picked on and this is what he had to say:

I was pick on since primary school then right in to high school I was pick on cos I have a disability and my weight

I have suffered from depression and anxiety from being bullied, friends doctors and family can help

If you’re being bullied at any age, tell someone, tell anyone that you trust

Bullying will never stop, that’s the unfortunate thing

There is this so called “trend” of trolling against each other (basically a dissing battle)

I asked Cody what his take was on trolling not just in general but also trolling battles:

People think they’re cool doing that, I hate that

I have to agree with Cody, I think it’s a waste of energy you could put towards doing something positive

I want to thank Cody Bennier (and Teddy) for being part of #itstartswithus

So many of us (whatever age) battle with how we look at ourselves and when you’re growing into an adult you have so many insecurities already, the last thing we need is to have someone else attacking us, we have to ask ourselves why the person says or does things (the psychology behind the bully)

I speak with Jose Ruiz (AKA Baby) on this subject of the psychology behind the bully

Please if you feel alone and/ or need someone to talk too there is a great team at BeyondBlue.

Alternatively you can call them on: 1300 22 4636 (24 hours and 7 days per week)

You can chat to them online also, or email them

Beyond blue is a great service they cater to everyone, so please don’t ever feel alone


You don’t have to hit for it to be domestic violence

Need assistance or want to find out more?

Thank you for everyone who is supporting #itstartswithus

Please remember #itstartswithus is something I came up with during a YouTube cast, then name kinds of stuck.. Let’s make it mean something #itstartswithus It doesn’t belong to me, let it belong to us.  Like the neighbourhood watch program, let this be that online…. Post it on your wall if you support it

Please email me or find me on Facebook if you would like to get involved or have any questions

As always,

Its been a pleasure

Signing off

With Love




Joline's Journey PT 1, The Journey



All you sexy mama’s out there, Hola, hello

Its is my single sexy free moment, I have officially been single for just over a year now!

Say whaaaa…. Yes no it’s 100% true

Let’s not go with cliche MRX let’s call my ex MR J (clever right?, for the ones that know me) People as if I miss the cuddling and the closeness… sad truth is, if it’s anything like my last exes’s then I am good!

My question to all the readers out there s ( I am sorry but especially  single ladies) to try these app’s where you wink or slide or … double click (is that even a thing?) should I be trying that too now?



Now I haven’t checked this out or downloaded it, but as an experiment, and because i can because i am single I am going to download this link:

Happn, it is called, i have seen adds on Facebook and really still am trying to grasp the concept of cyber dating 

‘Still have to get my head around dating, Honestly the way men are (there are a few exceptions) oh wait no i just texted one something that was important to me and is response was:HAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

am sorry how rude, I am actually offended,  not even a thank you for the shirt design… Whatever.. yeh whatever 

Yes, thats’s what i want to hear after telling you something important to me… NEXT, not putting up with that… Forever whatever… (Top Blokes i am meeting)

And some guys online, the minute you turn them down they become worse then us girls when we missed our fave show because the footy is on!

See slim pickings for the prince on a white horse, oh lucky me

Or the ones that just send you message quoting #sendnudes ? Yes, Rhys I am talking about you

So, I am downloading the app “Happn” tomorrow morning, and i shall share my journey with you… I am a little nervous as I haven’t even read what it is about or what I have to do?? Coming in hot.. and blind in this case

What is a date again??

What does one wear??

Oh I will be talking about that but I need all the help… Sisters lets get together

I will report back tomorrow

I will go to the gym with “Happn” all sweaty and gross I doubt anything will happen”

I have followed this brand on facebook that makes gym clothes, I have officially become obsessed

I think I am their facebook stalker! I watch from afar…. i can’t afford it

I think something will defintly happen with happn wearing that

Here is the link:

As Always,


Keep Safe

Signing Off







#itstartswithus, Anti Bullying Campaign

Lauren Orrell The Interview


 This is officially the first time I’ve interviewed and posted for :

Hi Everyone, Family pets included of course,
For those who don’t know, Lauren Orrel, she is a great Australia actor and portrait photographer
I met
Lauren at age 15 and became friends modelling together, she is one of these woman who have got the biggest hearts and always has time for you, even wen she is buggered an completely run down
In this interview I have asked  Lauren a bit about the modelling industry  as well as bullying and domestic violence
A little bit about Lauren before the interview, so you know what she is currently doing:

Lauren is an Australian actor known for taking on confronting roles in independent Australian cinema (because sometimes everyone just needs a a little weird).

She produces theatre and web content with the aim of rich, weird wonderful stories

So here is the interview with the beautiful Miss Lauren (or as I call her: Lozza)

Lauren can you name some types of bullying? (Cyber, Road Rage…etc)

There’s lots of flavours and  I’m sure humankind will continue to invent new ways

Do you know at what age bullying stops?  I suspect it occurs at all ages. 
Have you ever been bulliedI was the weird kid in school, so yeah, it was very psychological, a lot of isolation,there as a lot of ‘Yeah, you can’t sit with us anymore’ I felt like I was the butt of a lot of jokes. I felt so lonely and unlovable, and that led some people to take advantage of my willingness to please. this left me feeling further humiliated and ashamed, stuff that I can’t talk about to this day. It’s not a black and white of a situation because I can see, and always have been able to see, that pain and fear that drive most people to pick and act on a target. The circumstances weren’t black and white. 
When I asked Lauren how she feels about it today, the answer is heartbreaking and will hit home to a lot of people

Lauren answered: It was supremely shit. It’s definitely had an impact on how I relate to people to this day and how I view the worth of myself and my body in this world. But it’s also taught me compassion and forgiveness. Not in an easy “think this and it’s fixed” way. But it’s a process of learning to forgive and love, not just the ‘bullies’, but also myself. 

Lauren, did you find being a model tough? Oh fuck yeah. I’m short (for modelling), not classically anglo, but also not obviously mixed race. I’m a mix of Irish, English, Eastern European and Chinese and don’t fit neatly into the: “You’re this kind of person box”. 
I also really struggled with the pressure of weight, I hit 50kgs and it was the early 00s and like, frighteningly skinny was the thing right….. And I’d just discovered beer and went on the pill and I was curvier than when I started by also, not curvy by any normal stretch of the imagination and it came up with someone that I should “tone up”. At the time I was also dealing with a lot family and relationship stuff and it all got on top of me.
I was really struggling to connect meaningfully with anyone. I was suffering from depression and one of the side effects of the medication they had me on was weight gain and a lack of energy (except for the manic episodes it induced) and so moving was hard. long story short I developed an eating disorder and went through a pretty intense (but fortunately short) period of drug use to control my weight and mask my depression.It was at my sickest that I started becoming successful. But I was also really lucky, my agent, noticed that things weren’t really right, and they were there for me, always. I’m really grateful for that. I know that’s not everyone’s story.  I think now in hindsight modelling allowed me to justify the ‘I’m not enough, I’m not lovable” narrative I’ve always had. I was so frightened by being rejected for my mind and for the essence of myself, I put myself in an industry where I didn’t think I would be judged on that (that’s bullshit, because who you are in the industry is important I believe), so I just com modified the thing I’d learnt to disassociate from as a kid, my body and looks, and in the process created a whole new self-destructive battle ground.
Were you bullied because you were a model? Not from people in the industry (not to my face), but definitely from peers. In hindsight, I don’t disagree with their criticisms its a form bullying. It was “how could be the face of such and such a company? They’re responsible for this…” or “You’re supporting the idea that women are only valuable in relation to their physicality”.  I actually think they’re really valid arguments, but I totally took it the wrong way at the time.
Were you ever bullied in that industry or as a young girl spoken to inappropriately? There were a few moments.  I tend think I was so strange that people couldn’t really be fucked having a go. People definitely took advantage of the anxiety I had to please and be accepted. I started later than most, so I think I missed a lot of the inappropriate stuff. There were a couple of  incidents were I felt uncomfortable. It was quite common when I was younger for me to disassociate from my body and so I would generally smile through the discomfort, fortunately it never escalated to anything physical. I think it was very lucky in that I was always presented with a circumstantial out.  There were moments where I felt like there was an expectation for me to be a ‘plaything’ after a shoot. People would ply you with booze, it’d was always after work, so it felt like a grey area. I remember one guy, another model, kept pulling me on to his lap, and I had that “I don’t want to be here, I want to go home” but externally the disassociation had kicked in and I smiled and me, believing I’d be respected as ‘one of the boys’ would go along with it. I wanted to say, “Nah, I need to get home”, but for some reason I was never physically able to say the words. Fortunately my mate rocked up to give me a lift home and that was that. Those situations were very rare, and there was a lot of my behaviour that was really complicit. The reality is, when you start modelling, you’re a kid in a very adult world.  I think having really great rep in Sydney and Brisbane protected me from a lot.
For the readers who don’t know Lauren i asked her what made her quit modelling?:  I finally got the courage to study what I’d always wanted to do, which was study acting. there were rumours going around about my drug and alcohol consumption, which had been, at that time, pretty well addressed. The reality was I just couldn’t do both, Study full-time, whilst trying to rediscover and learn to use the parts of myself that I’d taught  myself to switch off – to be a whole person again, and then just be, what felt like to me, a one dimensional image. It fucked with my head too much, I didn’t want to be defined my appearance, it was too destructive for me. I wanted to tell stories, I wanted all the parts of me to be free and expressed, so I had to quit to liberate myself. 10 years later, I’m still working on doing that, but I’m a lot happier.
What types of bullies (then and now) did you deal with in regards to bullying and back in your younger years?  I’m not sure how I’d classify ‘bullies’.  My experience has taught me that most people bullying often do so because they feel overwhelmingly powerless in some other aspect of their lives. Having said that, it’s not my job to fix that for them. I don’t deal with ass holes anymore. I just don’t. If a person gives me that sick feeling in my guts, I just don’t spend time with them. No job is worth my well-being. I can be compassionate and empathise with that person without having to sit through them. It’s not my job to fix them and I have to look after myself.  As I kid, I just didn’t deal with it. I was sick to my stomach before school everyday, I think I often became cruel myself. I didn’t have to tools and I genuinely believed that they were justified in me being somehow defective as a person. Again, that’s something I’m still working on healing.
How did it make you feel then and how does it make you feel now?: Angry and tired. Both then and now.
Did you have someone to talk too when you were younger? I found it easier to talk to professionals about it, because I knew from a young age, they had no skin in the game and so could guide me through it a bit better. I’ve been in therapy since I was really young (like single digits young, but I don’t remember the exact age) and it’s was invaluable. Sometimes those closest to us, because they love us so much, aren’t able to separate their own distress at seeing someone they care about hurt and that can take away objectivity. A good therapist has that objectivity and can teach you tools to better handle distressing situations.
What about now, are there any tools you use and like to tell the readers about? I journal a lot. I don’t have time for cruelty. I sleep regularly and a lot. I need to eat better and exercise more, but I’m getting there. I spend time with people I love, that feed and inspire me. And I try to practise forgiving myself and others. Also medication and good doctors, they have been a life saver for me. And good work, I’m really lucky I have a career in which I can turn these feelings into something powerful, I get to bring stories alive and connect people to an array of human experiences, and if I’m lucky, I even get to make them laugh.
Back in school, did your school have a zero tolerance policy that you were aware of? Haha it was a gazillion years ago. I don’t think so. I can’t remember. 
Did families get involved in school? My family? I guess every family gets involved as best as they can. I think sometimes when families are struggling to get food on the table, or juggling huge life events, being involved in school can be really difficult. I really believe everyone does the best they can
Did people tend to gang up on on person? I definitely saw a lot of ganging up. It was a constant fight to not be at the bottom of school social hierarchy. I have been the person ganged up on and I know I’ve ganged up on people for fear of being the person being ganged up on.
What sport are you currently into? ha. When I’m not ovaries deep in about 600 images to edit, I love going to ballet classes.
If faced with a bully today would that help? Doing sport? Seriously, the best way to deal with a bully is to call them on it and walk the fuck away. And if it’s violent and involves assault. Call the police and/ or get somewhere safe.
If you were bullied in any way or are of have been a victim of domestic violence was there anyone that pointed you in the right direction?  Fortunately I have not been a victim of domestic violence. It’s just been a process of finding what works for me. Psychologists and good mates have been a god send. 

Do you think the systems are feeling woman and domestic violence, if so how and what would you suggest would raise awareness and get people off their ass and involved? I don’t know enough, but the statistics suggest that, yes, we are failing women. There needs to be more funding for services and safe houses as well as follow up support. We also need to cultivate a culture where women are treated more like people. It’s one thing to say “oh but we have equality” but the amount of rape and death threats that follow a strong opinion posted online by a woman, would suggest otherwise.

So many forms of bullying and cyber bullying etc, is this still a problem today for you or anyone close to you or your readers? I’m pretty lucky. I also block a lot of shit. I just don’t have time for it. My head and heart have to come first for me to be well.  But for others, fuck yeah. Especially online.

Men attacking woman of social media, what are your thoughts? I think we have a society that still sees women as objects that fit in and around men’s lives and when that’s challenged or even called out, it incites threats of violence against women. If you ever need a quick reminder why we need feminism, look at the response outspoken women get, the death and rape threats against them and their families, as opposed to that received by men saying the same or comparable things online.

kids being targeted by other kids in social media, what are your thoughts?
I understand that we as society need to move with technology and the time, but the thing with having a screen is that it kills empathy. Even amongst adults I believe our ability to empathise is becoming diminished. So what seems like sassy, harmless words on the screen, have some pretty dire consequences. I believe that we need to reinforce the idea that online is an extension of the real world and that what we do online has the same, if not greater consequences. But I’m not an expert on this, and it’s a really complex issue.
Those videos now being streamlined and shared of kids ganging up one a kid and bashing them what are your thoughts on that all? I think they should be removed and those involved, investigated and followed up in the most effective way whether that’s counselling or charges pressed.
Have you ever bullied any body, if so how.. and has it been resolved? Yeah, wow, this is hard. I know I’ve been cruel, especially when I’ve been feeling pretty hurt. I’m not sure I’ve ever resolved it effectively and for that I’m really sorry. I’m really sorry for my actions. This question has really given me something to think on.
How do you think that person felt? Wounded and alone. Hurt.

Who do you look up too? I don’t say it often, but I have no idea how my parents raised us and dealt with everything that went on. I admire them. I admire people that are able to transform their shame, joy, pain- their experience in to stories and art; Charlotte Gainsbourg, Sam Shepard, Sarah Kane, David Lynch. Shakespeare. Man, that guy! I look up to anyone that’s able to bring a little kindness into the world. I admire those who are struggling and keep going, even if it’s just one breath at a time.

Who is an inspiration to you? See above. I am very obsessed with David Lynch’s work as an artist. Rebellious women through the ages inspire me- I have way too many faves to list. 

I want to say a big THANK YOU to Lauren Orrell for putting in so much time and effort, 
you can see some of Lauren’s work here:
#itstartswithus has more to come, more interviews and people sharing their stories
If you have any questions or ideas or would also like to share your story, there is a comment box, also you can press the follow button which will then notify you each time I post an entry
My email address is:
Also you can get kept in the look with #itstartswithus by my page…
To keep this going I need your help please read my story, there’s never any pressure to donate but please don’t be one of those people that say they will and don’t… it’s happened a lot and it just makes me sad, please see below (PayPal friendly) –
As always,
Stay safe
With Love
#itstartswithus, Anti Bullying Campaign

THE JOURNEY BEGINS #itstartswithus


Dear Readers,

Its’s been a while and i haven’t forgotten about you

I thought I would do a quick entry to let you know over the following weeks I will be focusing on everything bully!!!

We have a great line up of people that you will all know

Also we have some of my kids telling their story

And if you want to be part of it please email me or FB  PM ME


I will also be writing about other subjects but main focus is the ZERO TOLERANCE



I really look forward to the feedback and any questions you may have

Also the line up of people is phenomenal and want to thank those getting involved

I want some of the people being interviewed to remain a surprise


Looking very much forward to #itstartswithus


As always,

Keep Safe

With Love

Joline Lootsma




Joline's Journey PT 1, The Journey

Sunday is for Mayhem

Hi Peeps,

Hope you’re all warm and cozy in your homes

First off quick shout out to Shane whose being a soldier, hope the ankle get’s better bud

Secondly, thanks Sam got the papers, you are awesome

Lauren….. girl I love you

Ok, so quickly if you have a daughter who wants to get into modeling… please watch my videos that are about what precaution you should take…. main rule GET INVOLVED!!, there is no such thing as over protective when your 15 year old is popping up on these ‘models wanted’ sites that people prey on!!, if your teenager male or female wants to model these days and you say no, they will find away!!

Get 100% behind them and take them to agency’s…. OK to be blunt even if you in your heart think he or she will not be accepted, you may be surprised as YOU ARE NOT AN EXPERT or worst case she or he will hear it from professionals and you can go to more then one agency

There are agency’s out there that specialize in commercials and your prince or princess may just be perfect for a commercial 🙂


Please bare with me as i am working with out dated and crappy technology

Get a job? glad you asked so GOFUNDME is up and running, got one donation… WOOT thank you… so goood, lots of shares…. and really appreciate the shares

Some off you may know i have found out some bad news about my back that’s limiting my working and I have to decide whether to undergo surgery…. I don’t have the funds so no i wont do it and keep chasing this modeling dream… and keep blogging with crappy tech until maybe one day i make my goal myself…. and i look forward to helping those who can’t get there either.. seriously, people donate $2 each for someone that can change a life.. i can’t wait to change someone’s life that’s what’s driving me….


Okay so modeling, its hard work not all glamour and champagne… nope its being told you’re too big or not right for what they want a LOT, so you have to grow a thick skin everyone or it’s just not for you… and I’d never if i have kids would out them through unless they really really wanted it and i’d be like: stage mum but not … the over protective “if you don’t pick my kid i’ll key your car” type of mum …WHOOPSIE


Ok so last one.. perfect example

Someone (and i get plenty) first off blamed me for him costing his job

I do not know this person… please…. be really careful, some people  are just out right bored and internet trolls

Now just because people are in the public eye doesn’t mean we aren’t going to not say nothing when you’re being out right judgmental and a pig!!… so i don’t know what people get out of this but it is just lame and soooo old!!! like in my previous blog, get another hobby… give me the knife….. please……

replace knife with WIFI

This is  fun video…

upside down…. yay for me… seriously i need a new laptop and software and stalkers…these ones I DON’T LIKE


As always

Keep Safe

Signing Off,






Joline's Journey PT 1, The Journey

Stalkers need hobbies & being Master Raven….

TGIF am I right?

First off, for some reason my hyper link to my videos aren’t working?

Then again my laptop doesn’t work properly, this web site doesn’t my phone and wifi don’t either ha ha…. i love trying to blog!!!

CLICKHERE  (See video)

I have had some reactions regarding my Gofund me page, this isn’t something i favored at first, you do have to swallow some pride putting a price for help out there… now everyone can have their opinion (reasons that were on my con list) Yes get a job… I got it, cheers…. I have been having some back injuries I’ve had my L3 L4 disc prolapse and L5 slip… therefor i am doing physio and gym and strengthening my back and  hoping to get back into modelling, in the meantime i don’t have an income and will work (just got to NSW) and my profession is Purchasing Officer so i haven’t been cleared for work yet but am actively looking anyway

Back to what this is about…. I struggled today I am totally craving food all the time 😦


Banana smoothie, one banana some milk (little bit of honey)

Lunch was a Veggie Lasagna



I think that video says it all people… I am honestly starving…. so for dinner i am having something light… I need to research what to eat, or anyone feel free to help, OMFG what did i start??

#Iitstartswithus is something I came up with during a YouTube cast, It doesn’t belong to me, let it belong to us…. Like the neighbourhood watch program, let this be that online…. Post it on your wall if you support it… in the end….. #ITSTARTSWITUS!

As always, keep safe

Signing Off,



Joline's Journey PT 1, The Journey

Day one… now you see…. OMG

Hi Peoples, your pets and bikes.. cars.. you name it

Everything has been going wrong, murph’s law right?

So yesterday evening around 6 ish I was writing my blog did the videos some piccies, but then  my wifi decided to play dead? thank you internet and my phone then my laptop… god bless technology?

So a little later I will blog my go fund me, I have sat and thought about it and uhm’d aaahh’d thought no, then yes then no… I don’t want to be a charity case but I believe everyone needs help and I am not going to be to be too proud to ask, because when I start doing okay I am going to put money aside for a young girl that would like to pursue modeling but needs help with her portfolio (its not cheap) or if she would like to blog and has potential then help someone also get closer.. so pay it forward 🙂

Please see facebook: Joline Lootsma or

And that’s my promise, and I don’t break promises

Ok since i am writing two… omg my next one is also about being stalked??? (yeh i know)

Ally Shehata who is a yummy mummy and has a fantastic page on Facebook about losing that baby weight, now I don’t have kids but she has fantastic foods and fun videos so hit her up


Brekky yesterday, with scrambled eggs ( which i took a photo off but all my technology wont work together so i took a pic but wont show up?? so frustrating.. I feel like i am working with dial up!!!


Okay so I will post my weight and some video’s for you guys

Reads 72.1 guys.. AHHHH (i know i know)



So if you have clicked on the above “click here” you will see me talking a little


So that was meant to be last night’s blog…

Now i shall continue with today’s

Stalkers and all…. life is fun people… live it!!!

As always, be safe

Signing off


With Love,









Joline's Journey PT 1

Joline or Master Raven?

Happy Hump day Yo,

Okay phone down, crunch time

I have been asking someone I’d like to thank Tony about my blog, I needed direction which i knew  but had more of a “I will just talk about whatever happens in my life daily”

Other then scaring people ha ha ha, i know i needed to have that direction and I’ve known what i have wanted to do something, just needed someone to call a spade a spade and set me on my straight path, and for that he is great and he is a legend known by many so thank you Tony for that today…True inspiration with a “no bullshit attitude” which if you know me.. well.. need i say more?

This is video part one please watch it and i will continue: CLICK ME

I started modeling age 14 when my mum entered me into the Dolly model search and became a finalist, that was no returning for me… I lived in Melbourne and was signed to Chadwick Model Management and from fashion week to commercials to campaigns, faces of companies travelling and winning more competitions from Marie Claire to Calvin Klein to commercials it really was a roller coaster that ended in 2005

Now I am 34 years old, and i have my mum in one ear saying: you’re too old there is no way…

I mentioned previously of a bad relationship I was in and he did not allow me to go back to modelling, i now am single and in NSW where I have some beautiful friends who are still doing it!!, and more gorgeous and beautiful as ever (Jill and Lauren) you know I am talking about you girls!!

And follow what your heart wants, don’t let people tell  you NO, you can’t or NO you’re too old… remember, that’s their opinion and unless they’re experts who are they to tell you NO? there’s plenty of us that tell you YES!… and I am here to help answer any questions

This brings me to the next part, I went to visit  two gyms today and a dear friend of mine Sam Mendleson has kindly offered to transfer his membership over to me… so big thank you and shout out, people are there willing to help when you least expect

Vance Anger, or Vance Power as I’ve decided suits better, I have done part two of a video

Everyone please watch:  CLICK ME

So my aim is to train and to strip some weight and tone as I would love to get back into modelling (if they would have me back)

Now, Vance I am considering training for possibly seeing if I can walk besides these fantastic looking woman with so much discipline that it takes and the hard work

I really will need to start looking into nutrition and what supplements and training plan I need to even breathe the same air as these powerful amazing woman and maybe transform into the name you gave me: Master Raven

One more video, this is my first official weigh in ( please remember I did it at the worst time, evening lol


Now I guess this is me signing off,

To those who said “NO”

I don’t care, limit yourselves but not me!!!

Dedication, determination and focus and the right people around you to point you in the right direction (always a bonus)

God knows i can use that,


Again Tony, Vance, Sam, Jill and Lauren thank you


Signing Off

with Love,


Joline AKA Master Raven 






Joline's Journey PT 1

Reaching out to your peeps

Tuesday 6:01 pm…… NSW I love you

How is everyone this evening, coming home from work and pouring a glass of wine?

I am sitting comfy in bed, cup of tea (sad i know) and listening too: 2 Pac, and boy you ain’t never had a friend like me….

First off I want to thank all the people who have messaged me with such great feedback, I didn’t think that many would watch and read my blog and video blog (Vlog??)

So I made a video last night that you can check out asking people to please give me some idea of what you’d like to hear or have me type about… the response was overwhelming ha ha, no I am lying it wasn’t … A lot of just be you… write about whatever comes to mind… and then also a lot if questions about my day to day d*ck pic receiving life.

Please click here to view my video: www.clickme

So tonight I will either be doing a blog on: Girls and D*ck Picks… Or I have decided that I need to join the gym… and thought I’d engage everyone on my transformation as some of you may know I used to do modeling from age 14 to 25 and didn’t do too bad

In which case ill be in my gym gear and recording my weight now and the scales (EEK) And I guess take you on my journey as a 34 year old trying to get back in the game…

I do have to mention a friend of mine Vance the  Rockstar…  who has been discussing with me bodybuilding with me, and he has written timeless pieces on the greatest bodybuilders of all time, and has been planting a seed of the Bodybuilding Bikini division, I have always said no…. but why limit myself??  So I would like to know what you guys think?

Vance calls me Raven from Tekken… for all who know Tekken

I am hoping to get some feedback or I might have a blog free night


As always,


Be safe

Signing Off






Joline's Journey PT 1

Type A Narcissists…. They’re everywhere!

Happy Monday Crew,

How was everyone’s weekend, you know you can respond to these blogs in the little comment fields

I am always interested to know how everyone is going

So, finally we get the dreaded conversation about exes or if you’re currently in a relationship or have someone in your circle who is a narcissist, now i say Type A (For the obvious)

I remember wanting to leave my relationship months before and I was crippled by this feeling that I didn’t know how and that i didn’t want it to be ugly (turns out it was so ugly i kicked myself for not leaving earlier)

I am going on my own experience when I am telling you this story, none of it is made up…. this is part of my life (was part of my life)

I have been single for nearly 1 year, and have loved it….

It was truly hell the last few months of my relationship, i would come home from work with dread in my gut not wanting to go home… i worked he didn’t, we lived in a granny flat at the back of his mum’s property who hated me and left me little notes under the door like a child and had to come into the house and put her $0.2 cents in when no one asked her or abused me for her son calling her the C word or punching holes in the walls and doors….  he would abuse me the same way, weekly throw my clothes on the front lawn… meanwhile I worked and he didn’t, paid rent paid for food yet I was made out to have left him dyer straights

I was looking at every guy according to him, got isolated slowly from all my friends… and my family too, especially targeting my mother who we just found out had cancer and so slowed down her treatment, and my little sister he just targeted the people who i cared about most…. so it’s put a wedge between my family, but I take full responsibility because yet again I had to date a type A loser….

This cost me more then family, I lost my job…. he contacted me at work with threats I had to tell me manager, he then rocked up intoxicated in his ute with belongings that he smashed in front of the people at my work…. so yes I know how to pick the specials

Things to watch out for: over jealousy, checking your phone bills, questioning your every move…. uhm being threatened, being abused physically and emotionally

The funny thing is what you get accused off…. they are doing!!… Run for the hills….

And on the outside to others not everyone can tell, I had a few professionals we saw together pull me aside when alone…. you know in your gut that no one should be treated this way…. don’t wait for a good time as there is no such thing…. tell someone anyone so you have someone to fall back on or help when things get crazy

Mine didn’t stop till about 3 months ago…..

Police were called in and they did a report…. even though he broke conditions unfortunately and I am being honest af, he cried wolf… and being guilty by association he got the no contact order lifted and walked out while i know guys whose ex’s have lied and they did time….. so the system isn’t quite right

But i believe we all get what we deserve one way…. I am just living my life being happy and FREE…. and you can too… just take the leap….. there are plenty of us that are there to talk too

Please watch the video i made as the reason for this bog: www.clickhere

Again, thanks for reading


Much Love,

Signing Off,



Joline's Journey PT 1, Social Media Stories

Bullying doesn’t stop at kindy anymore

Good Evening good people,

How is everyone doing this Sunday late afternoon?

NSW is chilly, sitting on my lounge socks, yoga pants jumper and head phones with a large mug full of tea that i swear has no sugar in it but I am too lazy to actually get up and walk to the kitchen 2 meters away???

Lazy much??

Its Sunday, that’s my excuse today….. Looking like:


While I am tying I am listening to Snow Da Product, she has some really good tunes I don’t mind listening too while I type away…

Okay, so little has changed since i last wrote… so no longer in Melbourne, I think it’s one of the best moves made for 2017!  First off I got see my mumsie, which I love… She’s such a strong woman with the right amount of crazy mixed in…. I think i get a little of my crazy from her….. wonder who is worse at times lol

So the reason I thought i would write is I started doing some video blogs…. so Vlog?

It started yesterday when we got a call regarding my little sister who got threatened at her work by a… wait for it… mother with her child?  what’s wrong with the world people?  I mean there is 14 years difference between my sister and I and if i got threatened I’d understand but she is such a beautiful soul it took my by surprise… ready to book the next flight over…

This lead me to do a little video about bullying, I have been a target at school I remember it well, and even at age 34 people think they can plaster nasty things about me on FaceBook… which to be honest… doesn’t worry me… what can people say about me that hasn’t been said already?  But i am 34, there are kids out there that just get targeted for some dumb reason most people don’t even know…. So please teach your kids to not be a sheep and follow what everyone else is saying about someone and to form their own opinion…. and also that it’s ok to stand up for someone that is getting bullied that you don’t agree with

And if you’re a mother or father and you think it’s ok to give a young girl hell while you’re with your child because you’re having a bad day…. maybe think about this….your son or daughter that you’re doing it in front of…. one day it may happen to them!

Anyways for those who haven’t seen my first piece of armature of Vid blog

Here is the link:  Joline talks bullies

I also did a video where I talk about what I promise I would talk about at the end of this video…

I will also be doing a Blog on it as my Iphone decided to cut my video short….

I talk about narcissists and how it is to be in a relationship with one and how crippling and alone you may feel, but you’re not….. that’s how they want you to feel

So that’s something I will blog about next

And Peoples, all my girls my boys please feel free to message me and ask questions or any suggestions are always welcome

I don’t claim to be a professional blogger whatsoever, just a girl telling my story…


As always, Stay safe


Signing Off

With love,







Joline's Journey PT 1, Social Media Stories

Real talk, Arnie’s speech

Thought I would quickly tap into a speech that I found really humbling

You always hear about “I am a self made millionaire”, I think Arnie squashes that in this speech, sure you do the hard work yourself, but none of us can do it all on our own

It’s more then humbling hearing that regardless where we’ve come from, we all need each other

If you haven’t seen it yet, click on the hyperlink (Arnie’s speech)

Very touching

Arnie’s speech

Signing off,

Joline Lootsma

The Journey

Moving on up