#itstartswithus, Joline's Journey PT 1

Beautiful Jill Lebens

#itstartswithus

I have been talking with the one and only Beautiful Jill Lebens (Lifestyle Blogger)

I have known Jill from back in our earlier years, she was beautiful then and is even more beautiful now in and out

Please go and check out her page: https://www.iamjillwright.com

She writes all things from Fashion to Fitness and Social events.. Class and Sass this chick and am so lucky to have such kindhearted friends

#itstartswithus started because a close friend of mine one of his kids was getting bullied and that was my personal drive to get this out to people and along the way I have learned a thing or two about how to deal with similar issues that I still face being 34

You know it’s kind of funny as I read my questions back and see similar struggles we both faced, and I wish I reached out myself to people a little more and give them the advice that we are all trying to convey here with #itstartswithus as it isn’t mine, it is something that lovely people have been part of, so let’s get to Jill and see what she has to say on the subject

Jill1

Some of you may know Jill as a lifestyle blogger and some as a photographer also, and some are new to Jill (so now you know) ha ha

When I asked her about the types of bullying there is, here is what she had to say:

I feel like there are so many different types of bullying these days and the forms are expanding.  Obviously technology has created a platform that is easier and more accessible for many but there is constantly something new that people want to ‘pick on’ or criticise or use as an excuse to exclude and ostracise others.
I had to ask Jill if she had ever been bullied, as some of you don’t know, Jill was and always will be a gorgeous tall model
Here is what she had to say:
I was lucky enough that when I was at school, I wasn’t bullied.  In saying that, I was very tall, skinny and awkward so I didn’t really ‘fit in’ as well as I would have liked.  & maybe there was a level of bullying but I was so oblivious at that age, or maybe I just didn’t care what other people thought of me.  It’s only now that I’m older that I am more conscious of it and aware of what it is.
And what about while modelling, did you find it rough in that industry?
Only the pressure and expectations I put on myself.  I think that physically comparing yourself to someone else at such a young age isn’t really healthy.
I wanted to know if being a model played a factor in bullying?
To be honest, I didn’t notice.  Nothing really changed for me except that I got a little extra exposure.  Of course there were the people who would pass judgement on my looks but when you are in an industry based on physical attributes, you can’t really avoid that.
So, when I asked her about the “NOW” factor.. I had to laugh, because what she said… now it is exactly what my friends have said about me so I love this answer
What about the “NOW” do you get it now?
No.  I am 6′ tall though and have been told I have ‘resting bitch face‘ so maybe I look a little scary.  Ha, ha.
Just really quickly….I have a theory on the ‘resting bitch face‘ It’s not that we are bitches, I have to say when it comes to Jill it’s very much the opposite, it’s just the we’ve seen it all been there all before look.. and in my case (I cannot speak for Jill) I am the most approachable person, we just get fed up with the logistics of “beating around the bush” Keep it real folks….

When I asked Jill about the difference between the “then” and the now” here is what she had to say

The reason bullying was highlighted for me during High School was only because I saw it happen to my brother.  He struggled at school academically and wasn’t really athletic or part of any of the school based groups.  I saw him get picked on relentlessly and then one day it started to become physical.  This was one of the worst things I had seen and felt really useless.  Being 2years younger and female, there wasn’t much I could do.  It didn’t stop me trying though.
How did you handle the situations and how did you handle or deal with it now?  When I saw how it affected my brother, physically and mentally – I told as many teachers as I could at school.  If I see it happening to anyone now, I am the first to jump in and say something.
Back in school days for both you and your brother, was there a zero tolerance policy that you were aware of?  No.  Unfortunately they turned a blind eye to this issue.
Did families get involved in school?  Yes – my mother went to see the school many times.  They principals did nothing to help.  Eventually one day my brother fought back in a physical altercation and hurt one of the bullies…  My brother was the one to get expelled.  Appallingly handled by the school.
I have to agree with Jill, unfortunately even today some schools tend to do this.. still
What sport are you currently into?  I had lots of knee surgery during high school so my sporting activities have been tailored around my injuries.  I love yoga & cycling and try to fit a few weight sessions in a week as well.
If faced with a bully today would that help?  We all know that physical activity elevates your mood and give you a level of body confidence, I feel this would emotionally assist to deal with bullying.
So many forms of bullying and cyber bullying etc, is this still a problem today for you or anyone close to you or your readers?  Being so heavily involved in social media platforms, I see bullying quite regularly.  I feel like the mentality has become that if someone puts a photo on social media, it’s up for discussion or criticism.  I see it quite a lot:  weigh shaming, sexuality objectification any basically any physical attribute you wish to name.   I think it’s about differentiating between reality and cyber – in my opinion, keyboard warriors lack real life social skills.
Men attacking woman on social media, what are your thoughts? Kids being targeted by other kids in social media, what are your thoughts?   Whether it’s women, children or other men, it’s unacceptable.
Have you ever bullied any body, if so how?.. and has it been resolved?  Not to my knowledge.  I was very aware of my physical appearance growing and with that too, my insecurities with how I looked.  I would have never wanted to make someone feel bad about how they looked, spoke, walked, etc.  Even though I was a model at a young age, I had some of the biggest insecurities you could imagine – some of which are still with me today.
What tools do you use now in day to day life to prevent people from internet trolling and cyber bullying?  For me, I just don’t care.  If someone really wanted me to listen to their negative opinions, they would have to come up to me in person, and lets face it, the people who cyber bully would never do this.  Yes, I receive negative commentary all the time but really, I am living my life how I want to.  I’m not about to feel bad about myself or my life choices because someone I have never met or spoken to has a negative opinion.  Life is too short for the shit.
Are there any tools you can suggest for our readers?  It’s difficult to give advice as everyone is different.  We all think, act, behave and react differently and I think it’s how we learn to mentally process situations.  For me, if someone has taken the time to be negative towards me and has spent time thinking about me in an angry way, it’s really them with the problem.  That would suck!
Suicide, self harm and depression due to bullying is on the rise what words of wisdom can you give our readers?  I think that suicide & self harm stemming from depression can often be a bigger issue.  Mental health is very serious and we need to address the core issues of those problems.  Often, because we can’t see physical disease or disabilities, we don’t believe they are real or as serious as other health issues.  Bullying can definitely make this worse and contribute to feelings of worthlessness and sadness.  Seek help from family, friends and ideally professionals.
And finally, I come to the question I dread asking as I already know the answer
Do you know at what age bullying stops?
Sadly, I don’t think it ever stops. 
Jill Lebens, The Interview
#itstartswithus
And you know what, it really does start with us…
Set a good example to those little ones we are teaching
I want to thank Jill for sharing her story and also a little of her brothers
As aslways
With Love
Signing Off,
Joline Lootsma

 

 

 

Advertisements

Thank you for visiting Let's talk with joline

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s