#itstartswithus, Anti Bullying Campaign, The Journey

Gold Coast University Hospital



This morning I had to call the ambulance as I wasn’t able to really walk, and also had a little incident, my right foot started drooping also and I remember the GP in Sydney telling if that was to happen to call   hospital asap

Day prior I had a fall, and on the day a little bit of a slip (admitting I did over emphasise it not by much)  just in shock and unusual amount of pain, shooting down my right leg with tingles.. Unable to stand on my toes…. This is all very much out of the ordinary especially with losing bladder control

The ambulance didn’t take too long to come and didn’t ask for my details (which turns out in my case was a blessing) as they gave me the green whistle which seem to help the nerve pain go from an 8 to a 6



At (yes still here gone to short stay) 3:25pm  wet the bed advised i was in too much pain to walk (which the Ambulance knew yet wrote on the chart walked to the stretcher)???? I have a witness that can confirm that this is not the case

I was then advised by nurse too bad basically and walked off……

I buzzed again, again i had an accident and moving the sheets around due to discomfort i dropped my phone and I now cannot even turn it on, it is absolutely useless, Iphone 6s Plus!

I then buzzed again, 3:55 he ((Paul) returns with a purple gown and a nappy tells me to change into that and walked off worth the curtains open

He has been friendly to all other patience except for myself and its like I am an inconvenience to the staff   who get paid to do this and have no empathy


4:00pm now, i have just buzzed my buzzer, this nurse hasn’t even asked if I required assistance wit the gown or putting a nappy on (Christina is this nurses name)



All of this has been based 100% on the judgement that I have had prior history of being in hospital (and the first DR who I saw in short stay advised me so in front of a whole bunch of other nurses but in the last 4 months I have attended this hospital (which I forgot as my car accident has affected my short tem memory) because I had been date raped and when i came to in the morning on the street I walked to the nearest house and asked them if they could call an ambulance… 8 hours later I woke up in this hospital with tubes down my throat and the ambulance report said i was found on the street with  heap of drug paraphernalia around me (which is 100% false) as records will show I walked with nothing on me to a house and waited at the house for the ambulance to come

My prior medical history that labels this hospital me a junkie is because few years back I had valid reasons for going to hospitals, ) had  lost a baby (and worst hospital besides this one and QUEII) had to remove it after 10 weeks, I kept calling saying to the triage I think something is wrong, they told me spotting and the amount was normal… Next day I had lost my baby

I have had endometriosis I was in hospital for that and then when i still had pain and had a pain specialist and had all these procedures done I was just given pain medication back in 2009 and I’d build a tolerance so they’d give me more and higher dosages, and the worst thing is…hospitals treat it like I am the pill popping junkie (they don’t look at why and what I had done for the pain and the specialists who keep shoving pills and higher dosages down your throat)… And i was put on high doses of pain meds in 2010 by my DR and that led to an issue… I have had a legitimate reason to come here today and i am being treated by the DR on call and now this male nurse like a junkie…. I am in copious amount of pain…. And no one wants to help…. I cant walk I couldn’t when the ambulance came… The DR had things prescribed for my pain, the minute my history pops up I have been treated in the most un professional and disgusting manner

‘I was in a private hospital in 2010 due to a liver issue and they removed half and my gallbladder also (another time in hospital)

I was raped w few years back and was in hospital for that ….. I want to write this even though it;s very embarrassing for me but to show that the system doesn’t give two shits, they see a red flag and they give you panadol for NOT BEING ABLE TO WALK AND WETTING THE BED, now as I have had a massive car accident and i think its made it worse and this id part of it, you can shove your panadol up your ass, lady had a sore leg and got a shot of morphine!…. I am getting a fake ID, so I get treated like a person


I am still waiting for my male nurse Paul and I can hear him laughing about it in the next room and I pressed the buzzer a while ago so i am laying in my own urine which staff here seem to find funny…. And  not enough to bother to do their job!

I am ashamed laying here.. I cant make any calls because of my phone which I hold the hospital 100% responsible for

The lady few beds up just pressed her buzzer,  he came straight away… And just walked past mine… This is absolutely disgusting behaviour…. And I really do have to go to the bathroom now and its to the point where I feel like just wetting the bed,…..

I can hear this nurse gasbagging to the other nurse about his girlfriend and having a good old laugh while i am laying here not only in pain, pissed off  that my phone broke… But that he keeps walking past helping everyone but myself….


4:20pm – my female DR came to see me, whilst the male nurse told me I was fine and going home just waiting on physio i then get told by my female DR that i am awaiting CT scan


4:35 A nurse by the name of Christina opened the curtain as I was laying still in my urine and trying to figure out how to put on this nappy as ( i later found out i was having issues as it was an XXL one i was having problems) I told her I’ve been laying in my own urine for a long time now and having issues as I didnt know how to put the nappy on she stood beside my bed and instructed me, she saw how much troubles i was having but refused to help…. I advised her about my phone incident and she then responded with: it was broken  when you came in

Now Christina wasn’t present at all, that was the first time I had seen her, I told her it had a scratch on it, now its completely broken  to the point where I can’t turn it on, and smashed and the middle button i cant press or numbers i cant press, I received a lot of attitude, she also said.. You can get up and walk to the toilet…. So  i had a fall….Christina, you should be fired… Or be trained and go through what people like myself go through and also get the attitude, what a sour piece of work!


The time is now 7:48pm… I have been here since the morning and have been given: Nurofen and panadol (one time of each)…  This is all due to pre-judgement and it is absolutely the moat disrespectful and judgemental hospital…. I didn’t come here asking for pain medication, I came in, in panic mode because: I’VE LOST FEELING IN MY LEGS AND BECOME A BED WETTER!!!.


I have seen four separate DR’s who have told me three separate things

7:58pm, I have been given 5mg of Endone and 1x Ibrufen when I have 20mg of Oxynorm for breakthrough pain on top of Targin 3x daily and muscle relaxants for the nerve damage in my face and spine


8:33, still nothing…… Four Doctors, 2x brufen, 1 Endone in total and i am at a 8 in pain


I can’t contact anybody, because of the phone being smashed (yes Christine I blame the hospital)

I am wearing a fucking nappy when you could of done a bed pan or since you made go in those wheel chairs how about putting a pan under it!!!


I am over buzzing the buzzer as its the same answer every time, oh still looking into it!!!!

How about we change positions, and ill leave you hear from 11am till 8:37 and tell you ill look into it?

I have repeated my story over four times, and yes the car accident left me with L3L4L5 facial and spinal nerve damage so can you imagine how much pain I am in now??


Have some empathy, if you don’t go work at Maccas or be a cleaner (jobs where you don’t need customer service)….


8:40 pm, so I buzzed the buzzer…. Paul previously suggested he’d get the DR as he was still on….. Hour goes by so I buzz again and it’s like he totally forgot and said ‘I shall grab him now’

I advised him I want not to be here anymore, this I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, his response.” I think it was all lost in translation”….. Well LUCKY ME!!, and I am sure I am not the only one that goes through this

When I told him how i had a fall, how I was treated and no one has compassion, his response was: yes some staff just don’t get it….and have no empathy…..

There it is folks, from a staff member himself, and I told him what I am telling you, THEN THEY NEED TO FIND A JOB WITH NO CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


9:01pm, Paul advised me that the DR’s wont see me and the medication I was promised by 4 diff dr’s, well basically they lied…. Apparently the CT scan came back with NOTHING WRONG!!!!, I had a CT scan done 2 months ago and then 5 months prior, it’s never come back with “NOTHING WRONG”!

And I was advised due to my previous attendance here and the report is why they wont do anything else, except for physio in the morning…. But no pain relief…… Even after I have had a fall

That statement was completely fabricated and if that’s looked into properly so help me god that is 100% falsified statement!


I advised I wanted to go home as they’re doing F all

And this case shouldn’t been based on a previous attendance, that is so not fair whatsoever…. Especially when I cannot feel my legs and wetting the bed ever now and then…. But the test come back fine!!!!!


I have had medication in my bag this whole time and not touched, I have had the worst run this year and this is just a top up of ‘I am done”


So, if I don’t wake up in the morning……  Peace

Joline Marcy Lootsma


P.s, I blame QPS….. I chose to associate with whoever I want, and I know you f*ckers are behind some shit…….  Apparently it was them who did the report for this hospital the first time, lying f*ckers


Its them who put me at fault with my accident when anyone who saw the pic knew it wan’y my fault, yes I had to give way but I couldn’t see the idiot as he was flying at 80km around the bend, and this is how I have to suffer…. Please don’t protect and serve me or my family!!

I have many more eg  but why bother

GCUH, you’re a bunch of judgemental incompetent soulless robots……  Imagine this happening to your daughter!!!!!!  Different story then!!!!!!




Gold Coast University Hospital

3.8  (161) · General Hospital

Southport QLD · 1300 744 284


From <https://www.google.com.au/search?safe=strict&source=hp&ei=4zY-WszIA4al0ASS1LG4CA&btnG=Search&q=hospital+near+me>



9:15 pm, signing off


Joline Lootsma





#itstartswithus, Anti Bullying Campaign

Let’s talk Bullies #itstartswithus Cody Bennier


Hope you’re all having a wonderful Tuesday, here I was thinking it was Monday??

Tonight we get to hear what Cody Bennier has to say about Bullies, so let’s get to know Cody Bennier (and you will see Teddy one of the cutest 10 week young puppy on planet earth)

Here goes….Getting to know a little about Cody

Full name is: Cody James Bennier and 20, yes girls and very single.

Cody has a seventeen year old sister ( who coincidentally named the cute puppy Teddy)

Teddy & Cody One for the Cam

Now while I know his hobbies include music and bikes, one thing he hates are bullies

I asked Cody if he would share with everyone about being picked on and this is what he had to say:

I was pick on since primary school then right in to high school I was pick on cos I have a disability and my weight

I have suffered from depression and anxiety from being bullied, friends doctors and family can help

If you’re being bullied at any age, tell someone, tell anyone that you trust

Bullying will never stop, that’s the unfortunate thing

There is this so called “trend” of trolling against each other (basically a dissing battle)

I asked Cody what his take was on trolling not just in general but also trolling battles:

People think they’re cool doing that, I hate that

I have to agree with Cody, I think it’s a waste of energy you could put towards doing something positive

I want to thank Cody Bennier (and Teddy) for being part of #itstartswithus

So many of us (whatever age) battle with how we look at ourselves and when you’re growing into an adult you have so many insecurities already, the last thing we need is to have someone else attacking us, we have to ask ourselves why the person says or does things (the psychology behind the bully)

I speak with Jose Ruiz (AKA Baby) on this subject of the psychology behind the bully

Please if you feel alone and/ or need someone to talk too there is a great team at BeyondBlue.


Alternatively you can call them on: 1300 22 4636 (24 hours and 7 days per week)

You can chat to them online also, or email them

Beyond blue is a great service they cater to everyone, so please don’t ever feel alone


You don’t have to hit for it to be domestic violence

Need assistance or want to find out more?


Thank you for everyone who is supporting #itstartswithus

Please remember #itstartswithus is something I came up with during a YouTube cast, then name kinds of stuck.. Let’s make it mean something #itstartswithus It doesn’t belong to me, let it belong to us.  Like the neighbourhood watch program, let this be that online…. Post it on your wall if you support it

Please email me or find me on Facebook if you would like to get involved or have any questions

As always,

Its been a pleasure

Signing off

With Love






#itstartswithus, Anti Bullying Campaign

Lauren Orrell The Interview


 This is officially the first time I’ve interviewed and posted for :

Hi Everyone, Family pets included of course,
For those who don’t know, Lauren Orrel, she is a great Australia actor and portrait photographer
I met
Lauren at age 15 and became friends modelling together, she is one of these woman who have got the biggest hearts and always has time for you, even wen she is buggered an completely run down
In this interview I have asked  Lauren a bit about the modelling industry  as well as bullying and domestic violence
A little bit about Lauren before the interview, so you know what she is currently doing:

Lauren is an Australian actor known for taking on confronting roles in independent Australian cinema (because sometimes everyone just needs a a little weird).

She produces theatre and web content with the aim of rich, weird wonderful stories

So here is the interview with the beautiful Miss Lauren (or as I call her: Lozza)

Lauren can you name some types of bullying? (Cyber, Road Rage…etc)

There’s lots of flavours and  I’m sure humankind will continue to invent new ways

Do you know at what age bullying stops?  I suspect it occurs at all ages. 
Have you ever been bulliedI was the weird kid in school, so yeah, it was very psychological, a lot of isolation,there as a lot of ‘Yeah, you can’t sit with us anymore’ I felt like I was the butt of a lot of jokes. I felt so lonely and unlovable, and that led some people to take advantage of my willingness to please. this left me feeling further humiliated and ashamed, stuff that I can’t talk about to this day. It’s not a black and white of a situation because I can see, and always have been able to see, that pain and fear that drive most people to pick and act on a target. The circumstances weren’t black and white. 
When I asked Lauren how she feels about it today, the answer is heartbreaking and will hit home to a lot of people

Lauren answered: It was supremely shit. It’s definitely had an impact on how I relate to people to this day and how I view the worth of myself and my body in this world. But it’s also taught me compassion and forgiveness. Not in an easy “think this and it’s fixed” way. But it’s a process of learning to forgive and love, not just the ‘bullies’, but also myself. 

Lauren, did you find being a model tough? Oh fuck yeah. I’m short (for modelling), not classically anglo, but also not obviously mixed race. I’m a mix of Irish, English, Eastern European and Chinese and don’t fit neatly into the: “You’re this kind of person box”. 
I also really struggled with the pressure of weight, I hit 50kgs and it was the early 00s and like, frighteningly skinny was the thing right….. And I’d just discovered beer and went on the pill and I was curvier than when I started by also, not curvy by any normal stretch of the imagination and it came up with someone that I should “tone up”. At the time I was also dealing with a lot family and relationship stuff and it all got on top of me.
I was really struggling to connect meaningfully with anyone. I was suffering from depression and one of the side effects of the medication they had me on was weight gain and a lack of energy (except for the manic episodes it induced) and so moving was hard. long story short I developed an eating disorder and went through a pretty intense (but fortunately short) period of drug use to control my weight and mask my depression.It was at my sickest that I started becoming successful. But I was also really lucky, my agent, noticed that things weren’t really right, and they were there for me, always. I’m really grateful for that. I know that’s not everyone’s story.  I think now in hindsight modelling allowed me to justify the ‘I’m not enough, I’m not lovable” narrative I’ve always had. I was so frightened by being rejected for my mind and for the essence of myself, I put myself in an industry where I didn’t think I would be judged on that (that’s bullshit, because who you are in the industry is important I believe), so I just com modified the thing I’d learnt to disassociate from as a kid, my body and looks, and in the process created a whole new self-destructive battle ground.
Were you bullied because you were a model? Not from people in the industry (not to my face), but definitely from peers. In hindsight, I don’t disagree with their criticisms its a form bullying. It was “how could be the face of such and such a company? They’re responsible for this…” or “You’re supporting the idea that women are only valuable in relation to their physicality”.  I actually think they’re really valid arguments, but I totally took it the wrong way at the time.
Were you ever bullied in that industry or as a young girl spoken to inappropriately? There were a few moments.  I tend think I was so strange that people couldn’t really be fucked having a go. People definitely took advantage of the anxiety I had to please and be accepted. I started later than most, so I think I missed a lot of the inappropriate stuff. There were a couple of  incidents were I felt uncomfortable. It was quite common when I was younger for me to disassociate from my body and so I would generally smile through the discomfort, fortunately it never escalated to anything physical. I think it was very lucky in that I was always presented with a circumstantial out.  There were moments where I felt like there was an expectation for me to be a ‘plaything’ after a shoot. People would ply you with booze, it’d was always after work, so it felt like a grey area. I remember one guy, another model, kept pulling me on to his lap, and I had that “I don’t want to be here, I want to go home” but externally the disassociation had kicked in and I smiled and me, believing I’d be respected as ‘one of the boys’ would go along with it. I wanted to say, “Nah, I need to get home”, but for some reason I was never physically able to say the words. Fortunately my mate rocked up to give me a lift home and that was that. Those situations were very rare, and there was a lot of my behaviour that was really complicit. The reality is, when you start modelling, you’re a kid in a very adult world.  I think having really great rep in Sydney and Brisbane protected me from a lot.
For the readers who don’t know Lauren i asked her what made her quit modelling?:  I finally got the courage to study what I’d always wanted to do, which was study acting. there were rumours going around about my drug and alcohol consumption, which had been, at that time, pretty well addressed. The reality was I just couldn’t do both, Study full-time, whilst trying to rediscover and learn to use the parts of myself that I’d taught  myself to switch off – to be a whole person again, and then just be, what felt like to me, a one dimensional image. It fucked with my head too much, I didn’t want to be defined my appearance, it was too destructive for me. I wanted to tell stories, I wanted all the parts of me to be free and expressed, so I had to quit to liberate myself. 10 years later, I’m still working on doing that, but I’m a lot happier.
What types of bullies (then and now) did you deal with in regards to bullying and back in your younger years?  I’m not sure how I’d classify ‘bullies’.  My experience has taught me that most people bullying often do so because they feel overwhelmingly powerless in some other aspect of their lives. Having said that, it’s not my job to fix that for them. I don’t deal with ass holes anymore. I just don’t. If a person gives me that sick feeling in my guts, I just don’t spend time with them. No job is worth my well-being. I can be compassionate and empathise with that person without having to sit through them. It’s not my job to fix them and I have to look after myself.  As I kid, I just didn’t deal with it. I was sick to my stomach before school everyday, I think I often became cruel myself. I didn’t have to tools and I genuinely believed that they were justified in me being somehow defective as a person. Again, that’s something I’m still working on healing.
How did it make you feel then and how does it make you feel now?: Angry and tired. Both then and now.
Did you have someone to talk too when you were younger? I found it easier to talk to professionals about it, because I knew from a young age, they had no skin in the game and so could guide me through it a bit better. I’ve been in therapy since I was really young (like single digits young, but I don’t remember the exact age) and it’s was invaluable. Sometimes those closest to us, because they love us so much, aren’t able to separate their own distress at seeing someone they care about hurt and that can take away objectivity. A good therapist has that objectivity and can teach you tools to better handle distressing situations.
What about now, are there any tools you use and like to tell the readers about? I journal a lot. I don’t have time for cruelty. I sleep regularly and a lot. I need to eat better and exercise more, but I’m getting there. I spend time with people I love, that feed and inspire me. And I try to practise forgiving myself and others. Also medication and good doctors, they have been a life saver for me. And good work, I’m really lucky I have a career in which I can turn these feelings into something powerful, I get to bring stories alive and connect people to an array of human experiences, and if I’m lucky, I even get to make them laugh.
Back in school, did your school have a zero tolerance policy that you were aware of? Haha it was a gazillion years ago. I don’t think so. I can’t remember. 
Did families get involved in school? My family? I guess every family gets involved as best as they can. I think sometimes when families are struggling to get food on the table, or juggling huge life events, being involved in school can be really difficult. I really believe everyone does the best they can
Did people tend to gang up on on person? I definitely saw a lot of ganging up. It was a constant fight to not be at the bottom of school social hierarchy. I have been the person ganged up on and I know I’ve ganged up on people for fear of being the person being ganged up on.
What sport are you currently into? HAHAHA...sport ha. When I’m not ovaries deep in about 600 images to edit, I love going to ballet classes.
If faced with a bully today would that help? Doing sport? Seriously, the best way to deal with a bully is to call them on it and walk the fuck away. And if it’s violent and involves assault. Call the police and/ or get somewhere safe.
If you were bullied in any way or are of have been a victim of domestic violence was there anyone that pointed you in the right direction?  Fortunately I have not been a victim of domestic violence. It’s just been a process of finding what works for me. Psychologists and good mates have been a god send. 

Do you think the systems are feeling woman and domestic violence, if so how and what would you suggest would raise awareness and get people off their ass and involved? I don’t know enough, but the statistics suggest that, yes, we are failing women. There needs to be more funding for services and safe houses as well as follow up support. We also need to cultivate a culture where women are treated more like people. It’s one thing to say “oh but we have equality” but the amount of rape and death threats that follow a strong opinion posted online by a woman, would suggest otherwise.

So many forms of bullying and cyber bullying etc, is this still a problem today for you or anyone close to you or your readers? I’m pretty lucky. I also block a lot of shit. I just don’t have time for it. My head and heart have to come first for me to be well.  But for others, fuck yeah. Especially online.

Men attacking woman of social media, what are your thoughts? I think we have a society that still sees women as objects that fit in and around men’s lives and when that’s challenged or even called out, it incites threats of violence against women. If you ever need a quick reminder why we need feminism, look at the response outspoken women get, the death and rape threats against them and their families, as opposed to that received by men saying the same or comparable things online.

kids being targeted by other kids in social media, what are your thoughts?
I understand that we as society need to move with technology and the time, but the thing with having a screen is that it kills empathy. Even amongst adults I believe our ability to empathise is becoming diminished. So what seems like sassy, harmless words on the screen, have some pretty dire consequences. I believe that we need to reinforce the idea that online is an extension of the real world and that what we do online has the same, if not greater consequences. But I’m not an expert on this, and it’s a really complex issue.
Those videos now being streamlined and shared of kids ganging up one a kid and bashing them what are your thoughts on that all? I think they should be removed and those involved, investigated and followed up in the most effective way whether that’s counselling or charges pressed.
Have you ever bullied any body, if so how.. and has it been resolved? Yeah, wow, this is hard. I know I’ve been cruel, especially when I’ve been feeling pretty hurt. I’m not sure I’ve ever resolved it effectively and for that I’m really sorry. I’m really sorry for my actions. This question has really given me something to think on.
How do you think that person felt? Wounded and alone. Hurt.

Who do you look up too? I don’t say it often, but I have no idea how my parents raised us and dealt with everything that went on. I admire them. I admire people that are able to transform their shame, joy, pain- their experience in to stories and art; Charlotte Gainsbourg, Sam Shepard, Sarah Kane, David Lynch. Shakespeare. Man, that guy! I look up to anyone that’s able to bring a little kindness into the world. I admire those who are struggling and keep going, even if it’s just one breath at a time.

Who is an inspiration to you? See above. I am very obsessed with David Lynch’s work as an artist. Rebellious women through the ages inspire me- I have way too many faves to list. 

I want to say a big THANK YOU to Lauren Orrell for putting in so much time and effort, 
you can see some of Lauren’s work here:  https://www.facebook.com/LaurenEOrrell/
#itstartswithus has more to come, more interviews and people sharing their stories
If you have any questions or ideas or would also like to share your story, there is a comment box, also you can press the follow button which will then notify you each time I post an entry
My email address is: joline.lootsma@yandex.com
Also you can get kept in the look with #itstartswithus by my page…
To keep this going I need your help please read my story, there’s never any pressure to donate but please don’t be one of those people that say they will and don’t… it’s happened a lot and it just makes me sad, please see below (PayPal friendly) –
As always,
Stay safe
With Love
#itstartswithus, Anti Bullying Campaign

THE JOURNEY BEGINS #itstartswithus


Dear Readers,

Its’s been a while and i haven’t forgotten about you

I thought I would do a quick entry to let you know over the following weeks I will be focusing on everything bully!!!

We have a great line up of people that you will all know

Also we have some of my kids telling their story

And if you want to be part of it please email me or FB  PM ME

Email: jlootsma@hotmail.com

I will also be writing about other subjects but main focus is the ZERO TOLERANCE



I really look forward to the feedback and any questions you may have

Also the line up of people is phenomenal and want to thank those getting involved

I want some of the people being interviewed to remain a surprise


Looking very much forward to #itstartswithus




As always,

Keep Safe

With Love

Joline Lootsma