#itstartswithus

From Model to MC – 1200 Techniques N’fa

‘Let’s talk’ with N’fa Forest Jones, from model to MC

Good Morning, Noon or Night (where ever in the world you may be)‘Let’s talk’ with N’fa Forest Jones,who some of you may remember him as the Tim Tam Genie-GOD (he’s totally going to kill me for mentioning that ha ha) and some may remember him from 1200 Technique’s  .. I can go on babbling on about this wonderful human being but Ill let you check out his web site or I will be here for days typing: http://nfajones.com/

nfamus

I have been lucky enough to have been rescued by N’fa at age 14  at my first ever Melbourne FashionWeek

I asked N’fa if he remembered his rescue and his words were: I am glad I stood up for you that guy was being a bit of a BLEEP….  And so a friendship blossomed

N’fa stood up for me for my first ever Melbourne Fashion Week, I was being yelled at by the choreographer and at age 14 must of  looked like a deer in headlights, N’fa and friend Oliver walked passed and he put his arm around and gave a the choreographer a little talk  too and has looked out for me ever since

I found a photo I took back in the day when film needed to be developed so many many moons ago, this was taken in NSW when the boys came and picked me up to go clubbing (yes fifteen years young) sorry mum

N'fa and Olly

I look back being so young and I knew age twelve that I wanted to do modelling and walk the white mile (catwalk)

Great friendships that go on forever

I can still smell the hairspray that was sprayed around back-stage and the last minute touch up’s by frantic makeup artists who probably were as nervous as me as I stood behind Claudia Schiffer to open my first ever catwalk!

The crowd goes silent; and ‘cheque music” … Big Breath…..  Go!

Great memories to have

N’fa has actually been at the peak of some of my embarrassing moments to look out for me, and which some I wont share ha ha –  but when I told my mum I was doing a blog that featured him she laughed and said: I remember when I first met him at the bus stop and i was going to take you somewhere and he was there and put his arm around you and said “I’ll look out for her” and to this day she is his biggest fan ha ha

When I approached N’fa about what his thoughts were on pressure in the industry and being bullied, he was more then happy to help

I asked N’fa if he has been bullied himself and what his thoughts were, this is what he had to say:

Everybody i know in the entire world has been bullied at some point.. some worse that others.. shit, I’ve probably bullied, just being a idiot kid… but nothing too terrible.. I have definitely been bullied, but at an early age around 5 or 6, I decided that what others thought of me meant very little.. the only way I wanted people see me was as a good person, a kind person.  People were rude, racist, selfish, bitchy and I just figured there was something wrong with them, and I moved on.

I would feel disappointed when I came across it all, but I never took it on board.. I don’t personally understand why you would.. but I really feel for them

True friends would slowly emerge out of it, and I was happy alone, happy writing, happy training and running (for the readers out there playing at home this is just a little trivia) N’fa ran 4th in the trials for  National championships

 I got injured a couple seasons later, and that’s when ‘1200  Technique’s blew up..  And didn’t they ever?

I will teach my kids the same.. there are people with all their inner doubts and fears that they’ll push on you because they feel intimidated, and themselves are self conscious and therefor will assume, you are as powerful as you look to them without them even trying to know you(they’re idiots), and then there’s good balanced people who will treat you well.. they may not wanna hang with you, may not find you funny – and that’s okay  at least they won’t be idiots about it.  Same goes for people who wanna hang with you because they think you’re cool, and that is a representation of themselves via association.. I teach my kids to be still, be with self, breathe, worry not of others slanders, but consider any constructive criticism even if it hurts your ego, and don’t be an idiot yourself.. That’s how I do it..

What about when being picked on becomes violent? 

The only time I’ll teach them to react directly to bullying, is when they see someone who can’t handle some other pricks abusive words, and need someone to step in for them, or when bullying is physical.  I’ll teach them to strike in defence with all they have.  Words mean nothing unless you take them on board, but physical, is physical contact.

No matter how one feels, should they be fearful , unsure, sensitive, one must look confident within

I personally would  look confident within, calm, pleasant, and not give a damn about what anyone says (but without being obnoxious about it) that’s my “look”  maintaining that face You learn a lot about oneself and others

I’d like to thank N’fa for the chat

You can follow N’fa on twitter: https://twitter.com/NfaJones

As always,

#itstartswithus 

Keep safe

Signing off,

With Love,

Joline Lootsma

Advertisements
#itstartswithus, Joline's Journey PT 1

Baby Hancock, Lover of MMA

Good Evening Folks

Morning, Noon or night (depending on where you are from)
And finally we come to one of my favorite people in the world:

                                           Jose Ruiz (AKA BABY) 

Before we get into talking about #itstartswithus I need to get something off my chest real quick…  Baby (aka Jose) send me this picture of himself and Handcock (from the movie Hancock ft Will Smith) and as I have been trying to type this up I have been laughing my ass off  at what a dork he can be and what a clown he is, but Jose truely is within his own right our very own Melbourne Hancock as he has the same caring nature, and biggest heart (like the All-Heart logo in the film)  He doesn’t have his own costume but…. he has his very own bike (which yes he send me a picture of lol) check out the batman sign!, I love it
Josebike
When I asked him if we could have quick chat about #itstartswithus I got some great pics from him so I have to show another one off
(see below)
Jose and The American Top Team – Link: https://americantopteam.com/
Now for those readers up to date with MMA (even those who have heard bits and pieces)”BEST MMA camp in the country!”– UFC Commentator by Joe Rogan (USA), check out the weblink provided to have a little sticky beak.
jose american top team.jpg
Jose is in black with the ‘American Top Team Family’ https://americantopteam.com/

Jose AKA Baby  I have been blessed to have met and now known for….. sigh….( I wont say how long he’d kill me) let’s just say since Fresh Prince was on TV (yes before Netfix) ha ha. 

Dude we old known eachother  19 years (i promised him I wasn’t going to write that) ha ha….

OMG He is so going to kill me for leaving that bit in..

Jose and I met through a mutual friend and went to the same highschool ‘Elwood Represent‘ … and like the 2pac song goes: you ain’t never had a friend like me… , and you never aint never had a friend like him ha ha
He is someone very special and anyone would be so blessed to have a friend like him He’s been a great help with  (that’s an understatement)  #itstartswihus

When I asked him about bullying, he honest is the first person I spoke too and here is a bit of his story:

Jose Ruiz grew up in Melbourne, in (for those playing at home, if you live in Melbourne, Vic, Australia you will know it well) Prahran flats (this is somewhere I have also lived myself).

Prahran flats was and still is rough … it’s always been grimy…dirty… but yet still home…rough… potentially dangerous (but yet still home)
Age nine was rough, Jose found himself getting caught up with some kids who ended up bullying him, which led him to the a journey that today he still lives and breathes “Mixed Martial Arts” – or MMA
 Jose and Martial Arts
Age 9 Jose got into, karate, kick boxing and juititsu which turned out to be a bit of a lifestyle that which to date is what makes him a supporter and a lover of MMA, and now as a father he also encourages his kids be part of martial arts

At age 9 he got picked on, this was while living at the Prahran flats,  Jose was always and still is a lover of Bruce Lee he decided to get into Judo (Judo originated in Japan as a derivative of the various martial arts )  not having had a father growing up Jose found his sensei (usually known by the Japanese as “teacher”) to be someone much more then just a teacher.  Learning about the psychology and respect behind the martial arts

Jose is really passionate about martial arts and explains its like a dance” and the poetry of limb manipulation, – how to read your opponent, never to “lower your eyes to an openent” and to use your opponents weight against them (you will find that a lot in jujitsu)

Being the lover and supporter of MMA Jose showed me a video that bought tears to my eyes (admittedly cried like a baby watching this)
In the end it is with thanks to these bullies (and admittedly a broken nose) and the tough rough living of Prahran flats that Jose is where he is today and is one of the biggest lovers I know of MMA I personally am a massive fan, and sit on my edge on my seat and are known to message eachother through a fight with the same line always (it’s poetry)
As always,
Signing Off, 
With Love
Joline Lootsma
If you would like to be part of #itstartswithus  or have any questions please email me at any time: joline.lootsma@yandex.com

 

#itstartswithus, Anti Bullying Campaign

Lauren Orrell The Interview

 

 This is officially the first time I’ve interviewed and posted for :

 #itstartswithus
Hi Everyone, Family pets included of course,
For those who don’t know, Lauren Orrel, she is a great Australia actor and portrait photographer
I met
Lauren at age 15 and became friends modelling together, she is one of these woman who have got the biggest hearts and always has time for you, even wen she is buggered an completely run down
In this interview I have asked  Lauren a bit about the modelling industry  as well as bullying and domestic violence
A little bit about Lauren before the interview, so you know what she is currently doing:

Lauren is an Australian actor known for taking on confronting roles in independent Australian cinema (because sometimes everyone just needs a a little weird).

She produces theatre and web content with the aim of rich, weird wonderful stories

So here is the interview with the beautiful Miss Lauren (or as I call her: Lozza)

Lauren can you name some types of bullying? (Cyber, Road Rage…etc)

There’s lots of flavours and  I’m sure humankind will continue to invent new ways

Do you know at what age bullying stops?  I suspect it occurs at all ages. 
Have you ever been bulliedI was the weird kid in school, so yeah, it was very psychological, a lot of isolation,there as a lot of ‘Yeah, you can’t sit with us anymore’ I felt like I was the butt of a lot of jokes. I felt so lonely and unlovable, and that led some people to take advantage of my willingness to please. this left me feeling further humiliated and ashamed, stuff that I can’t talk about to this day. It’s not a black and white of a situation because I can see, and always have been able to see, that pain and fear that drive most people to pick and act on a target. The circumstances weren’t black and white. 
 
When I asked Lauren how she feels about it today, the answer is heartbreaking and will hit home to a lot of people

Lauren answered: It was supremely shit. It’s definitely had an impact on how I relate to people to this day and how I view the worth of myself and my body in this world. But it’s also taught me compassion and forgiveness. Not in an easy “think this and it’s fixed” way. But it’s a process of learning to forgive and love, not just the ‘bullies’, but also myself. 

 DSC_8308lr(1)
Lauren, did you find being a model tough? Oh fuck yeah. I’m short (for modelling), not classically anglo, but also not obviously mixed race. I’m a mix of Irish, English, Eastern European and Chinese and don’t fit neatly into the: “You’re this kind of person box”. 
I also really struggled with the pressure of weight, I hit 50kgs and it was the early 00s and like, frighteningly skinny was the thing right….. And I’d just discovered beer and went on the pill and I was curvier than when I started by also, not curvy by any normal stretch of the imagination and it came up with someone that I should “tone up”. At the time I was also dealing with a lot family and relationship stuff and it all got on top of me.
I was really struggling to connect meaningfully with anyone. I was suffering from depression and one of the side effects of the medication they had me on was weight gain and a lack of energy (except for the manic episodes it induced) and so moving was hard. long story short I developed an eating disorder and went through a pretty intense (but fortunately short) period of drug use to control my weight and mask my depression.It was at my sickest that I started becoming successful. But I was also really lucky, my agent, noticed that things weren’t really right, and they were there for me, always. I’m really grateful for that. I know that’s not everyone’s story.  I think now in hindsight modelling allowed me to justify the ‘I’m not enough, I’m not lovable” narrative I’ve always had. I was so frightened by being rejected for my mind and for the essence of myself, I put myself in an industry where I didn’t think I would be judged on that (that’s bullshit, because who you are in the industry is important I believe), so I just com modified the thing I’d learnt to disassociate from as a kid, my body and looks, and in the process created a whole new self-destructive battle ground.
Were you bullied because you were a model? Not from people in the industry (not to my face), but definitely from peers. In hindsight, I don’t disagree with their criticisms its a form bullying. It was “how could be the face of such and such a company? They’re responsible for this…” or “You’re supporting the idea that women are only valuable in relation to their physicality”.  I actually think they’re really valid arguments, but I totally took it the wrong way at the time.
 
Were you ever bullied in that industry or as a young girl spoken to inappropriately? There were a few moments.  I tend think I was so strange that people couldn’t really be fucked having a go. People definitely took advantage of the anxiety I had to please and be accepted. I started later than most, so I think I missed a lot of the inappropriate stuff. There were a couple of  incidents were I felt uncomfortable. It was quite common when I was younger for me to disassociate from my body and so I would generally smile through the discomfort, fortunately it never escalated to anything physical. I think it was very lucky in that I was always presented with a circumstantial out.  There were moments where I felt like there was an expectation for me to be a ‘plaything’ after a shoot. People would ply you with booze, it’d was always after work, so it felt like a grey area. I remember one guy, another model, kept pulling me on to his lap, and I had that “I don’t want to be here, I want to go home” but externally the disassociation had kicked in and I smiled and me, believing I’d be respected as ‘one of the boys’ would go along with it. I wanted to say, “Nah, I need to get home”, but for some reason I was never physically able to say the words. Fortunately my mate rocked up to give me a lift home and that was that. Those situations were very rare, and there was a lot of my behaviour that was really complicit. The reality is, when you start modelling, you’re a kid in a very adult world.  I think having really great rep in Sydney and Brisbane protected me from a lot.
For the readers who don’t know Lauren i asked her what made her quit modelling?:  I finally got the courage to study what I’d always wanted to do, which was study acting. there were rumours going around about my drug and alcohol consumption, which had been, at that time, pretty well addressed. The reality was I just couldn’t do both, Study full-time, whilst trying to rediscover and learn to use the parts of myself that I’d taught  myself to switch off – to be a whole person again, and then just be, what felt like to me, a one dimensional image. It fucked with my head too much, I didn’t want to be defined my appearance, it was too destructive for me. I wanted to tell stories, I wanted all the parts of me to be free and expressed, so I had to quit to liberate myself. 10 years later, I’m still working on doing that, but I’m a lot happier.
What types of bullies (then and now) did you deal with in regards to bullying and back in your younger years?  I’m not sure how I’d classify ‘bullies’.  My experience has taught me that most people bullying often do so because they feel overwhelmingly powerless in some other aspect of their lives. Having said that, it’s not my job to fix that for them. I don’t deal with ass holes anymore. I just don’t. If a person gives me that sick feeling in my guts, I just don’t spend time with them. No job is worth my well-being. I can be compassionate and empathise with that person without having to sit through them. It’s not my job to fix them and I have to look after myself.  As I kid, I just didn’t deal with it. I was sick to my stomach before school everyday, I think I often became cruel myself. I didn’t have to tools and I genuinely believed that they were justified in me being somehow defective as a person. Again, that’s something I’m still working on healing.
 
How did it make you feel then and how does it make you feel now?: Angry and tired. Both then and now.
 
Did you have someone to talk too when you were younger? I found it easier to talk to professionals about it, because I knew from a young age, they had no skin in the game and so could guide me through it a bit better. I’ve been in therapy since I was really young (like single digits young, but I don’t remember the exact age) and it’s was invaluable. Sometimes those closest to us, because they love us so much, aren’t able to separate their own distress at seeing someone they care about hurt and that can take away objectivity. A good therapist has that objectivity and can teach you tools to better handle distressing situations.
 
What about now, are there any tools you use and like to tell the readers about? I journal a lot. I don’t have time for cruelty. I sleep regularly and a lot. I need to eat better and exercise more, but I’m getting there. I spend time with people I love, that feed and inspire me. And I try to practise forgiving myself and others. Also medication and good doctors, they have been a life saver for me. And good work, I’m really lucky I have a career in which I can turn these feelings into something powerful, I get to bring stories alive and connect people to an array of human experiences, and if I’m lucky, I even get to make them laugh.
 
Back in school, did your school have a zero tolerance policy that you were aware of? Haha it was a gazillion years ago. I don’t think so. I can’t remember. 
 
Did families get involved in school? My family? I guess every family gets involved as best as they can. I think sometimes when families are struggling to get food on the table, or juggling huge life events, being involved in school can be really difficult. I really believe everyone does the best they can
 
Did people tend to gang up on on person? I definitely saw a lot of ganging up. It was a constant fight to not be at the bottom of school social hierarchy. I have been the person ganged up on and I know I’ve ganged up on people for fear of being the person being ganged up on.
 
What sport are you currently into? HAHAHA...sport ha. When I’m not ovaries deep in about 600 images to edit, I love going to ballet classes.
 
If faced with a bully today would that help? Doing sport? Seriously, the best way to deal with a bully is to call them on it and walk the fuck away. And if it’s violent and involves assault. Call the police and/ or get somewhere safe.
 
If you were bullied in any way or are of have been a victim of domestic violence was there anyone that pointed you in the right direction?  Fortunately I have not been a victim of domestic violence. It’s just been a process of finding what works for me. Psychologists and good mates have been a god send. 
 

Do you think the systems are feeling woman and domestic violence, if so how and what would you suggest would raise awareness and get people off their ass and involved? I don’t know enough, but the statistics suggest that, yes, we are failing women. There needs to be more funding for services and safe houses as well as follow up support. We also need to cultivate a culture where women are treated more like people. It’s one thing to say “oh but we have equality” but the amount of rape and death threats that follow a strong opinion posted online by a woman, would suggest otherwise.

So many forms of bullying and cyber bullying etc, is this still a problem today for you or anyone close to you or your readers? I’m pretty lucky. I also block a lot of shit. I just don’t have time for it. My head and heart have to come first for me to be well.  But for others, fuck yeah. Especially online.

Men attacking woman of social media, what are your thoughts? I think we have a society that still sees women as objects that fit in and around men’s lives and when that’s challenged or even called out, it incites threats of violence against women. If you ever need a quick reminder why we need feminism, look at the response outspoken women get, the death and rape threats against them and their families, as opposed to that received by men saying the same or comparable things online.

 
kids being targeted by other kids in social media, what are your thoughts?
I understand that we as society need to move with technology and the time, but the thing with having a screen is that it kills empathy. Even amongst adults I believe our ability to empathise is becoming diminished. So what seems like sassy, harmless words on the screen, have some pretty dire consequences. I believe that we need to reinforce the idea that online is an extension of the real world and that what we do online has the same, if not greater consequences. But I’m not an expert on this, and it’s a really complex issue.
Those videos now being streamlined and shared of kids ganging up one a kid and bashing them what are your thoughts on that all? I think they should be removed and those involved, investigated and followed up in the most effective way whether that’s counselling or charges pressed.
laurenupdate.jpeg
 
Have you ever bullied any body, if so how.. and has it been resolved? Yeah, wow, this is hard. I know I’ve been cruel, especially when I’ve been feeling pretty hurt. I’m not sure I’ve ever resolved it effectively and for that I’m really sorry. I’m really sorry for my actions. This question has really given me something to think on.
 
How do you think that person felt? Wounded and alone. Hurt.

Who do you look up too? I don’t say it often, but I have no idea how my parents raised us and dealt with everything that went on. I admire them. I admire people that are able to transform their shame, joy, pain- their experience in to stories and art; Charlotte Gainsbourg, Sam Shepard, Sarah Kane, David Lynch. Shakespeare. Man, that guy! I look up to anyone that’s able to bring a little kindness into the world. I admire those who are struggling and keep going, even if it’s just one breath at a time.

Who is an inspiration to you? See above. I am very obsessed with David Lynch’s work as an artist. Rebellious women through the ages inspire me- I have way too many faves to list. 

 
I want to say a big THANK YOU to Lauren Orrell for putting in so much time and effort, 
you can see some of Lauren’s work here:  https://www.facebook.com/LaurenEOrrell/
#itstartswithus has more to come, more interviews and people sharing their stories
If you have any questions or ideas or would also like to share your story, there is a comment box, also you can press the follow button which will then notify you each time I post an entry
My email address is: joline.lootsma@yandex.com
Also you can get kept in the look with #itstartswithus by my page…
To keep this going I need your help please read my story, there’s never any pressure to donate but please don’t be one of those people that say they will and don’t… it’s happened a lot and it just makes me sad, please see below (PayPal friendly) –

My Gofund

Hi Everyone, Funding will purely go to blogging licensing, computer software and new equipment and to boost the pages to also get the awareness, i am also hoping to continue the blog with just talking about the daily things is human beings are either struggling with or what the readers want to hear and see funding means the contribution of helping one and together we help others – The donation button allows $2 is toward helping me achieve my goal To find out more please feel free to visit: https://www.gofundme.com/jolineblogginit

A$2.00

As always,
Stay safe
With Love
Joline
Anti Bullying Campaign

#itstartswithus

ALLERT: We have a serious bullying problem 

Hi Everyone, including the family pets

Hope all is going well with everybody, where ever you are today

On this cold Tuesday here in NSW evening, I have decided to yet blog again (insert evil laugh here)

As an older sister/sister, aunt Jo,Jo the crazy lady down the road and to some and just a general human being I needed to blog it out and say: STOP THE BULLIES!!!

Let’s take some time out people.. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THE WORLD PEOPLE?

Will bullying ever stop?

At what age does it stop?

Will bullying ever stop? No, I don’t see it happening unfortunately

At what age does it stop? I can’t answer that question daily as people even at 34 or 44  55 are still cyber bullying or text bullying… or when you beep your horn and got someone on a bad day.. they come out of their car (road rage to another level) is still being a bully in my eyes when you start punching people over a red light?

And unfortunately it is adults bringing kindergarten to adulthood and men are right up there cyber bullying woman and even in a face to face.. threats however they come is a form of BULLYING!

I am talking BULLIES…. ALL BULLIES and all types of BULLIES

Lets talk Kids and Teens

I am asking myself why are parents of bullies (not all, SOME) who have been made aware by the schools talking to their kids and saying this an ok way to behave?

IT STARTS AT HOME!

It seems like some parents encourage it and seem proud of it…

So many kids are also being cyber bullied which is just horrible, if you have kids who are being bullied and don’t know what to do, or if you are being bullied and feel alone, please don’t ever feel alone… talk to someone (if not the school) parents, if not parents family, please don’t ever feel alone there are many ways you can talk to someone

Here’s my bullying story so maybe some may be able to relate

I changed schools year 11 from VIC to QLD and I was bullied out of my school for standing up for someone who was getting bullied also

Ended up being bullied by large girls from my school, and it’s never just one… it’s always unfair and always outnumbered…

Eight girls against me, the schools did nothing, absolutely nothing!… and I was a little lucky as I was modelling at the time which my mum was very supportive of so I was able to leave school and pursue that, but this cost me finishing my year 11 and 12 at the time

There are many of us out there who have been bullied and to this day are still getting bullied… YES ADULTS DO IT TOO?…

I’ve attached this youtube link below, that’s me talking about ZERO TOLERANCE FOR BULLIES (me talking about it)

https://youtu.be/wyTcg02V6QY

And as someone who has and still gets her fair share still but have been very blessed with the great support of friends and friends who have become like family for the ZERO TOLERANCE against BULLIES OF ALL AGES..

We need to take a good look and see how it can leave a scar and how it can damage even kids as they grow up and into adults, I have spoken to people  (who share their story) who till this day still struggle with it and have some heartbreaking stories… so we can get through it but knowing that there is a support network so no one feels alone, especially kids and teens is something we need to bring awareness too

Being bullied or cyber bullied can lead even kids into depression, and worse, any one who needs to talk there are many great helplines out there

Contact: 1800 55 1800 – Kids and Teens help Line Open Monday to Friday 8am to 5pm

https://kidshelpline.com.au

There is also Beyond Blue who if you are feeling overwhelmed they are very good to talk too

Contact: 1300 22 4636 ( with a daily web chat between3pm and 12pm) this is a 24 hour service

https://beyondblue.org.au

If you are a concerned parent there is also a good web site called that has free parental support from professionals

These  guys are fantastic

https://parents.au.reachout.com

Know that there is always someone who you can talk too, never feel alone

Please don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions

It starts with us

Hope every one has a great week ahead…

No one deserves to be bullied and harmed in any way!

#itstartswithus

As always,

Much Love

Signing Off, 

Joline